In Search Of The Sun!

RIP David Hartanto Widjaja

2009-03-07T21:56:00.000-08:00

This is an old piece of news.

A week ago, David from NTU stabbed his FYP professor at the back before ending his own life by slitting his wrist and jumping off the university building.

As reported, David was refused of a higher passing grade for his FYP by the professor, which crushed his hopes in obtaining a first class honours.

To be honest, although David's despair might not be completely the professor's fault, my sympathy did not go to the latter. I can understand David's feelings--how it must have felt like for a high achiever like him not to be able to get a simple first class honours, something that appears all too easy in other universities.

For my own case, the reason given to me was that my thesis "was not good enough compared to the others". The grading system is normalized, meaning that every thesis will be put onto a bell curve, only a little portion will get the best and worst results, while the majority will have a mediocre grade.

It was a whole year worth of effort, staying late in the lab, going through emotional roller-coaster after every meeting with my supervisor, hoping that I can do better all the time. All in the hope that I can eventually get a first-class honours.

You might laugh at the stupidity of over-emphasizing on grades--grades mean nothing, why so serious about it?! But believe me, when a task takes up one whole year of your life, and the only reward of the turmoil is good grades, then praying hard every night that a first-class honours will come your way is nothing too much to ask for.

I was told that the reason my first-class honours did not come my way was because I did not give the thesis a deeper thought. Well, I'm not ashamed to say that I haven't gotten over it yet. It took me a lot of courage to accept the fact that I wasn't good enough for what I hoped for. But I believe that it will take a longer time before I can get over it completely.

We might appear like sour-losers. Somebody who cannot take failures open-heartedly. The only thing I can say is that, if we hadn't work hard enough for it, no failure could be as heart-breaking, nor success could be as thrilling.

RIP David. Though death is never a solution, I'm sure you did not have another way out.

Oink Oink!

2009-02-23T03:12:00.001-08:00

Lainie gave me a super cute pig sticker today! I was wondering where to put it when I saw a big chunk of blank space on my 'enter' key. Where else would I look at day in day out besides my laptop keyboard? :)

So here is Mr Piggy, with a red collar, happily standing on my 'enter' key.

Oink Oink! :D

逆风飞翔

2009-01-07T04:46:00.000-08:00

LooLoo knows I'm not feeling very good. After a long chat with the girls, she brought the lyrics of a song written by her TzuChi seniors. It's a simple song, but yet so meaningful. Sometimes it's the simplest of gifts that can deeply touch people's heart. Thanks dear LooLoo! You're an angel!

不够聪明你说你注定失败很彻底
很努力总是得不到肯定
不够幸运你说你注定飞不上天际
就快要失去继续的力气

亲爱的宝贝有我陪着你
鼓起勇气抛开伤心
因为青春就该好好闯一闯
要飞翔要寻找这理想

不要害怕失败会受伤
努力啊乘着梦想往前
别说累总有人在你身旁
为你加油啊
逆着风也要飞翔很辛苦也要坚强

带着梦想去飞翔
努力啊乘着梦想往前
别怕黑总有人在你身旁
为你祝福啊
迎着风也要盼望很受伤也要勇敢

也许会失望也许很受伤
跌跌撞撞失去方向
但是青春就该好好闯一闯
去飞翔去寻找这理想

亲爱的你别在意
别管一路风和雨
做自己星光多么的美丽

安安静静我和你
笑看那些不如意
只要你不怕风雨
你看人生多么的美丽

Out of wind

2009-01-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

Life, as of now, is a series of disappointments. I just hope my heart is strong enough to take it.

Mid-autumn festival ~ check out my butt

2008-08-31T01:05:00.000-07:00

My brother sent me an image. He said I look like...

2008-07-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

(=.-)|||

Yea... right... very funny...

Baldy in Lab

2008-07-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

Today during lunch, Derong, the Post-Doc fellow in our lab suddenly told Chenxin (another Post-Doc) "Hey, bring the camera, I want to take a photo with the kid!" Of course, I wouldn't say no to a camera, so here goes...Chenxin said that Derong looked too tame once I had my fist up. Derong, the person in the lab who would think that "tame" is an insult, decided to do something...

Ultraman and Monkey God!

Me, Xiaokun (Research officer) & Derong

Yupe, like Max's comments, I might as well get a better head gear. I'll be getting some scarfs from Carolyn Chi Chi this Sat, so we'll see what we can invent! :D To be honest, I wouldn't mind going around without any head gear at all. You can feel a constant breeze blowing across your head, as if you're walking by the sea. I think being bald is the MOST convenient thing you could ever do! No need for comb, shampoo, conditioner, hair dryer, hair band, hairpins etc etc... I can even use a smaller towel now since I don't have to dry a whole bunch of keratin (hair's made of keratin)!

Hmmm... the only drawback is that it's easier to catch a cold now. The only reason I'm wearing the bandana is that I can't stand the aircon on my scalp in the lab. When I go out for lunch I normally take it off :)

Anyway, I've been getting a lot of feedback about my new look. Here are some people that I now remind others of :

GC: The smart Yixiu (聪明的一休)

Ramkumar: Dhalsim! (after seeing me with my earrings)

Hahaha, what else do I look like? :) Any suggestions?

Hair for Hope 08 : Today is THE day~

2008-07-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hair for Hope 08, an event which I've been waiting for since 2006 (couldn't participate at that time since I was going to Sweden for an internship). It's an initiative by the Children Cancer Foundation, Singapore, to raise awareness of childhood cancer and to raise fund at the same time. As stated at the foundation's website:

"Patients’ hair loss, from treatments of cancer such as chemotherapy, is a representation of his or her courageous fight against cancer. Through the symbolic gesture of shaving, Hair for Hope wishes to lend moral support to all children with cancer, and to let them know that there is nothing wrong with being bald."

Well, there's definitely nothing wrong in going bald, because I've been bald for 10 hours now (YES! I did it!!!), and I haven't been scorned or laughed at! All that I've received was nothing but encouragements, although one really couldn't avoid some curious stares with a freshly shaven head.

I won't bring you all through the long process of shaving (actually it only took 10 mins), but will show you the end results first! Since some of you (my mom, for example) are anxious to know to what extend will my head represent an egg! Tadaaaa~~

Not bad, isn't it?

Now, to the story-telling part. Let's start with when I arrived at Velocity, Novena. Well, I was having cold feet since the previous night. I couldn't speak nor think properly. I was scared by the thought of going on stage, with a few hundred people looking at me being shaved like a pig under the butcher's knife! GC was so sweet to do the registration for me. He repeatedly asked me whether I was sure about shaving. He even got me to repeat to myself that I wasn't going to regret!

One last shot with long hair
Ok, going into the hall =) I was wearing the gold ribbon (finger pointing) to help raise awareness about childhood cancer
Feeling very nervous. The stage was only 100m from me...
WTH, just go for it! Me getting onto the electric chair. Hehe, just joking!

To start shaving, the stylist first tied my hair into a pony tail. She then started shaving from the back of my head, slowly working it up to the top of my head, removing the whole 'intact' pony tail

Now you see....

Now you don't!! Muahahahaha!

My hair!!! (in a Zip-loc bag)

After the pony tail was gone, another stylist joined to finish up my head. They were really efficient in it. GC told me that within an hour (12.30-1.30pm), the team of stylist shaved 103 heads!

I put this up just to scare others! I looked as if I was tortured, but in fact it was just some hair that got into my eyes.

Almost done...

Touching up...

Woohoo! Say hi to my new hairstyle!
Walking off the stage, feeling all coooool on the head! I started sneezing right after I came down from the stage =)
Me and my hair! Mission accomplished!
A photo with my dear photographer-of-the-day. =) I wouldn't be able to do it without GC supporting me by my side. He's my hero!
I met this group of bravehearts... From left: the daughter, the aunt, the mom and me! Go girl power!
And another courageous soul while having lunch at Fish & Co.
Who said we can't look gorgeous without hair?!

Well, as a reward for being brave and didn't chicken out, GC treated me to a sumptuous lunch of seafood platter and wasabi pizza! Here I am, eating sotong, reporting to my aunt on the phone.

I got loads of support from my family for shaving. First it was my father saying "If it's for a good cause, then why not?", then my mom started pledging for donations for me in Penang. I really want to thank EVERYBODY who chipped in and gave me encouragements. This is the first time I'm going bald, and without these support, I'll be weeping my pillow wet by now. But since I have so many people 'backing' me up, the whole experience became a wonderful one.

At the end of the day, let's not forget who we're doing this for. To kids who had to go bald because of chemo, you guys are the champions! One really needs to summon a lot of courage for looking so different from normal people. Hope you guys carry on with your fight against cancer, because now you have many more people who are willing to fight together with you!

A summary of my summer : A trip to Lake Kenyir

2008-07-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

One important highlight of my summer is the 12-day trip to Lake Kenyir in Terengganu (Malaysia). I was hired as a research assistant to Lainie, a PhD student in the Department of Biological Sciences, for her thesis on dung beetles at the lake. Lake Kenyir is the biggest man-made lake in Southeast Asia, consisting of more than 340 islands. Therefore, it is an ideal site for Lainie's research, which is to study the relationship between species richness and ecological functions, because different sizes of islands contains different number of beetle species. To put it in simple terms, we would like to test whether dung beetles performs better ecological functions (remove dung) if the community is made up of more species (bigger islands).

To be hired on this trip was seriously what I've been hoping for. Throughout the whole trip, we would be living on a houseboat on the lake without any handphone connection (let alone internet connection). To maximize the limited time we had in the field, we were always on the lake, totally isolated from the 'outside' world, except when food supplies ran low, the boatman would go to the jetty to stock up. This gave me an extremely good opportunity to test my limits in doing field work--to see whether I can survive in the field for a long period of time and to really test my passion for it.

This is the houseboat that we had been living in for 12 full days.
The upper floor of the boat is the bedroom
(note the blood on my right knee, that was from a leech bite!)
The lower floor is the 'living room', dining place, kitchen, toilet etc...
The lady in the photo is our dear cook, Makcik.
Besides Lainie and I, there were 4 more people on board: Makcik and our boatmen Zuki, Rahim and Mat

Well, before we could really set off to the lake, we needed cow dung as a bait for the dung beetles. So here we were in the cow farm chasing after cows, picking up after them whenever they hmm..
After getting all the cow dung that we needed .... we were off! =)

Lainie and I heading off towards one of the islands. We parked the houseboat somewhere on the lake, and went to the islands for our experiments on motorboats. The guy behind me was my trusted boatman, Zuki. Zuki is 2 years older than me, but he already has 2 kids! =)

Rahim and Mat were Lainie's boatman, and Zuki was mine. I must say, he is the most talented guy I've ever seen! Lainie used a GPS to locate all the points where she set the traps, but I didn't have any since we only have one GPS. So, whenever we split into 2 teams to carry out the experiments, I rely fully on Zuki to locate the traps. Zuki has a whole functional GPS embedded in his head =) Not only that, he could even remember the positions of the traps that Lainie set on her previous trips. He has the best memory and spatial sense that I've ever seen. Zuki always laughed at me because I was completely hopeless in the forests, everywhere looked the same to me. I just need to walk 20 steps and I couldn't find the place where I started at! (believe me, it's really hard to navigate in a forest) But for Zuki, nothing can be simpler!

Lainie packing the dung

Me with the packed dung. Believe it or not, we had to use human dung for some of the baits. The container I'm holding has my own... *ah hem*... dung.

Packed cow dung =)

Dung removal experiments. To test how much dung did the beetles remove.

Pitfall trap. The cup beneath the bait is fulled of saturated salt water to preserved the trapped beetles.

Lainie preparing the canopy trap with Rahim and Mat. The canopy trap is to capture dung beetles that specialize at the canopy level.

Mat setting up the canopy trap

My full fieldwork attire. Straw hat = good ventilation, keeps spider webs & twigs from eyes when bushwhacking through the forest. Long sleeves = prevents scratches & leech bites. Pouch = has everything I needed in the field. Long pants. Leech socks = knee length, keeps leeches from creeping underneath pants. Trekking shoes = a present from GC, water- resistant, strong & sturdy, very comfortable, very well-ventilated, best shoes in he world!
(I know, I looked ridiculous! But in the forest, style is not the priority! Hehe)

This is my favourite seat on the boat. When Zuki drove it really fast, I felt exactly like Jack in Titanic, screaming "I'm the king of the world~~~~"
Well, a little bit of background info about Kenyir. It was originally a river. In 1978, the government started the construction of a Kenyir hydroelectric dam. The river was blocked and 38000 hectares of forests was flooded by rain water that filled up over time. Therefore, you can imagine that beneath the lake lies a whole stretch of dead (drowned) forest. All across the lake, one could see dead tree trunks sticking out of the water surfaces... like warriors that kept guard even though the fight was long over. These trees gave Lake Kenyir a melancholy, solemn, and somewhat creepy feeling.

Now, some cool animal sightings!
A crab that Mat caught at one of the rivers. See, he's saying "Hi!"
A wild boar mite trying to eat its way through my shirt.

Giant tortoise on its way back to the lake after laying eggs on one of the islands.
A spider with magnificent "horns"! It's saying "Hi!" too =)
Rhinoceros Hornbill perching near our houseboat. We could hear Hornbill and gibbon calls early in the morning. =)
Remnants of an elephant skull... victim of illegal poaching

As for the food...
Well, we had to stay on the houseboat for 12 days. Throughout the whole trip, the boatmen had been fishing for catfishes and snakeheads (Toman). So we've had the luxury of eating fresh fishes every day.
Rahim and their catch, a Toman
A seriously big fish

However, towards the end of the trip, we ran out of vegetables, and it wasn't worth it to go all the way to the jetty for supplies. Therefore, we decided to eat ferns!
Makcik picking out the edible ferns
Ferns and fishes! =D Yum Yum!
The dish in pink is ferns too. It has that colour because of the anthocyanins (pigments) in the young fern leaves.

Now, for some excitement in the water!
Lainie had a "One day one dip" policy =) She insisted in taking a dip in the lake after a long day. It was very relaxing and revitalising! Since I'm hydrophobic (can't swim), I always had a life jacket with me whenever I went into the waters.

Since our daily excursions relied so much on motorboats, I decided to get my hands on one of them!
Yikes!!!! The boat is going the wrong way!!
Ok, ok, adjust.... adjust....
Yay! Finally gotten used to the accelerator!
Woohoo! Smooth sailing! =)
Lainie, me, Zuki and Mat, exploring some of the islands that we haven't visited
Lainie and I at a river
Me with a gigantic stump
Can you imagine how huge the tree was?!
Lainie and I at the Ranger's lodge
Me falling down while collecting ferns :( Super clumsy!

Well, 12 good days passed in a snap. Without us noticing, it was time to go home, to return to civilization!

Makcik braiding my hair after I've left them like a bush for 12 days
Done!
On our way home...

A summary of my summer =)

2008-07-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Well, initially I was planning to blog about my vacation frequently. But things happened so quickly that I didn't have enough time to sit down, reflect and write. However, since something very important is going to happen tomorrow (revealed later), and many blog posts about it will follow, I think I better put what has passed into perspective first.

I went back to Penang right after my exams. Actually I was very anxious to visit Shion (one of my twin brothers) because he broke his leg in an attempt to break the school's long jump record. Ironically, he didn't break the record. Instead, he earned an overnight fame and rose to a status of godhood in school since the incident was witnessed by dozens of students and teachers.

Shion looked alright, he went through a minor surgery and so he didn't need to have a cast.

Shion coming back from his MUET (Malaysian University English Test)
Shion was trying hard to hide the fact that he couldn't stand straight! (Look at his strained smile)
This was taken during a simple mother's day celebration back at home. I could never ever repay what these two women did for me. Again, a happy mother's day to my dear mom and aunt.
Daddy giving mom a sweet mother's day's kiss!

Besides checking out on my brother's condition and celebrating mother's day, one of the major purposes of going home was to attend my grandma's 1st death anniversary. During the day of the anniversary, the whole family (except for my bros and cousins who are still schooling) came together for the memorial in a Buddhist temple. It was very touching to meet other relatives and old neighbours there too. I couldn't help but to reflect upon the reasons behind many chinese traditions: although the ceremony might seem redundant to some--because you'll never know whether grandma received all the offerings that we made--it brought the whole family together, and reminded us that though grandma has left us, we still have each other.

A couple of days later, it was my best friend Ah Khuan's birthday. Of course, for this kind of occasion, we, the Air Itam gang would surely organize a small reunion. Ai Juin just came back from UK too, and that calls for a double celebration!

Khuan with her birthday cake.

Everybody say "Cheese" to the camera =) I put it on a timer and managed to squeeze into the photo just on time!

The day before I went back to Singapore was Wesak Day. Since young, I have always liked Wesak Day. It celebrates the birth, the enlightenment and the passing away of Buddha. On this day, I feel especially calm and completely happy. I guess that's the whole point of it, to remind us to cherish life and to be at peace with ourselves.
My mom is an extremely gifted gardener. Our lawn is always full of life and splendor! This was a lotus that bloomed on the day of Wesak.
Mom took this special lotus to the temple to offer it to Buddha.

After I came back from Penang, I had to move out of my cozy hostel room at Ridge View Residences. This room had been a home to me for 1 year and I love every inch of it! I love the view from my window, I love the various cupboards and drawers (more than enough to stuff my belongings), I love the proximity of it to lecture halls and canteens, I love the bed, I love how I could knock on Ding Ying, Wanyi and Ramkumar's door whenever I needed company ... I felt quite sad to say goodbye to it. But still, life must go on...

One last look out of my window. I'll definitely miss the sillhouette of the trees at night...
Once my room sweet room...

After going through the whole ordeal of packing up, moving out, and unpacking everything into my new vacation room (for just one month), I was on my way back to Penang again for Sumei's wedding! Well, it was quite insane to make two trips to Penang within one week. But how could I miss the first wedding among my friends?!

Aunt and I with our gorgeous bride, Sumei.
Me and the Hui Yin Seh Chinese Orchestra gang. Chinese Orchestra was the core of my life many many years ago. I was very happy to see everybody again after all these years. Even though we haven't met in ages, when we started chatting, it was as though time has never passed. I guess that's what good friends are made of--the ability to withstand the test of time!

After the wedding, I met up with Lin and Qi for a small gathering. That was the first time Qi came back to Malaysia since she went to UK for her studies four years ago! I've met up with Qi in Europe before--she visited me and I visited her in UK--but it was totally rare to be able to catch her in Malaysia! I really hope we don't have to wait another four years for a reunion! Qi said that she'll be back again if any of us are getting married =) Hmm... I wonder who'll be first?

When I was back in Singapore again, I met up with Carolyn Chi Chi for a visit to the Philatelic (Stamps) Museum and the new Peranakan Museum in Singapore. We made full use of the International Musuem Day and paid nothing for going to both of them! But before the museum trips, we needed to stock ourselves with enough carbo to last for a whole afternoon's walk! (you know, visiting a museum is like shopping, both are very vigorous exercise!) So, we went to a nice Italian restaurant at Raffles Place for pasta!!! The pasta was delicious, but the desserts were even better!

Chi Chi recommended the Crème brûlée for me and it was simply... simply a luxury to taste!
Chi Chi herself had an apple pie, but I 'kop' her ice cream!
The Peranakan Museum!
Us at the reception

My grandma is a Peranakan, so the culture is nothing foreign to me =) I must really give a thumbs up for the museum curators for showcasing the culture to such details! It was very nice to walk through the sections with Chi Chi and to discover so much of our childhood within the exhibits! We couldn't help but keep exclaiming "Hey, my who and who had this too!" "This looks familiar!"

Nyonyas are crazy about beads and handicrafts! Guess what these are?
... They are actually spectacles cases! It's amazing how much work Nyonyas are prepared to go through to decorate an accessory like the spectacles case!
A huge rug made of beads. (Jaw drop!)

Chi Chi and I posing in front of a wedding procession
Ah... the golden rules for ladies! It's a poem, with a rhythmic recital, that talks about what is expected from a daughter-in-law in the Peranakan culture =) Grandma recited it to me before!

Mummy and Ah yee, I'll bring you both to the museum the next time you're in Singapore ya! =) Thanks to Chi Chi for a very pleasant afternoon!!

A place call home

2008-06-29T01:02:00.000-07:00

Finally moved!! =D

After shifting all my things (freaking many of them!) into the house, GC and I went to walk around the neighbourhood. It only took me ten minutes to totally fall in love with the place!

There's an old-style shopping centre with a myriad of shops selling useful, daily-life stuff, like fruits, mobile phones, cakes, textile, bags, lights, grocerries, whatever you can think of! I suddenly had the feeling of living back in Air Itam again! :)

The house itself is small, but very neat and cozy. The kitchen has this magnificent view of a hustling-bustling residential area (from the 14th floor); while the front door has a vast view of one of the few remaining undeveloped land in Singapore (PIE cuts through the huge field). Till now I've only met 1 of my 3 housemates. She's really sweet. I think I'm seriously going to enjoy my stay here.

I felt depressed because I'm moving out of campus, after living comfortably in it for 3 years. I'll surely miss every inch of hostel life. But at the same time, I really look forward to sharing a memorable friendship with these 3 gals.

Fingers crossed for the BEST! :D

My genes failed me...

2008-05-03T22:01:00.001-07:00

Some of my friends know that I have a pair of twin brothers, but not many have seen them I guess. (except Ah Ding, her bros know my bros... from the same school)

So, I decided to post a photo of us taken during ChineseNew year. Here you go... (the twins are beside me)

Well, as you can see from the photo, my genes have seriously failed me :P All of my siblings are of the same height (almost), 170 and above... and I only managed to grow up to a humble elevation of 158cm.

Actually I shouldn't compare with the boys, since they should be taller. But yet, the difference between my sis and I... hehe, she's tall, fair and lovely, with a model-like figure; and I, ah-hem, looked a bit like a stout potato! Haha!

Talking about heights, let me regurgitate my genomics lecture... height is a Quantitative Trait, meaning that it is defined based on many genes. Therefore, various combinations of alleles are possible, and that is why height has a continuous distribution. Also, Quantitative Traits are normally influenced by environmental factors. This means that height is not only dependent on the combination of genes that you have, but also the environment that you grew up in.

Based on these factors, I hereby conclude that either I have an unfortunate combination of genes that define my height, or I simply didn't drink enough milk when I was young! Probably it's both...

Today is my twin brothers' birthday

2008-05-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

I sent them this sms (a poem found online):

"So many good things come in pairs,
Like ears and socks and panda bears,
But best of all are sets of twins,
With extra laughter, double grins!

There's so much fun in having two,
With twice as many points of view,
So much alike, forever linked,
But yet they're also quite distinct.

We're all quite novel and precise,
But special folks, god made them twice!

Happy birthday to Shion and Boo. Love, er jie. "

And I got this in 5 minutes...

"Your face is decorated by your beautiful eyes, chubby cheeks, special nose, sweet lips and most of all -- your beautiful long hair... and so, are you sure you wanna go BALD? heheh... jk la.. thanks anyway"

Hehehe, made me laugh so much! Yesterday I told Mama that I'm going to sign up for "Hair for Hope", a charity event whereby people shave their heads to pledge for donation for the Children Cancer Foundation. Mama is quite cool with it, but she said she'll ask the "Tok bomoh" (witch doctor) of our family to see if there's any superstitions against it, hehe. Hope the Tok bomoh will come back with favourable reply!

Anyway, Happy birthday to my bros. Glad to have you guys in this world =)

Cherry blossoms & spring

2008-04-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

Marsha showed me the Stockholm public transport website, something like SBS transit in Singapore. They change the picture on the main page according to the season and weather. Today, it showed the gorgeously blooming candy floss-like cherry trees, lining up our dear Kungstragården.

It is Valborg today, the day that signifies the arrival of spring and the departure of everything dark and evil. One year ago, we were at Uppsala for the grand celebration in the biggest student city in Sweden. Champagne sprayed here and there, drenching every passer-by in laughter. People were dancing and singing, so were we. The city was enveloped in a misty joyful smell of beer.

We were celebrating spring, we were celebrating the warmth. But most of all, we were celebrating our youth.

Let the blossoms bloom and let the fragrance travel through the cool air...

Goodnight, People of the Earth ~ Mayday

2008-04-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to sleep now, an important day tomorrow. But I'm suffering from the post-Mayday concert fever... the only cure is to watch their MTV over and over again until I drop dead.

I paused for a long time after listening to 晚安地球人 (Goodnight, People of the Earth)... there was a ghostly silent that rang through the night.

紫皮肤大脑袋血液不绿也不蓝
在我已经毁灭的星球我比五月天还帅
那一年大逃难爸爸把我丢上船
光的速度能比爱恨快所以我也忘了哭
来到这里一光年外

沉睡七年的蝉
换取七天的灿烂
生命穿过漫长年代
直到名为人类的灾难

诸葛亮赤壁战万人一冢的豪迈
千年之后重回荧幕里还是征战的舞台
难道会又重来妈妈他说的混乱
谁能还清自己的卡债谁能控制核子弹
谁能顿悟轮回会来

大人在冷气房作战
小孩在太阳下逃难
石油田的干旱华尔街卷起灾难
终于人们发射了飞弹捍卫自己的晚餐
多害怕在未来人类对一切习惯
拿起字典一页页的翻始终找不到的字
是不是爱是不是爱(地球人晚安)
不要是爱不要是爱(地球人晚安)

Purple skin, large brains, with blood neither green nor blue
On my planet that has been destroyed, I'm even more charming than Mayday
That year, during the great exodus, my father threw me onto the ship
The speed of light is faster than love, that's why I forgot to cry
And ended up here, one light year away

The cicada slept for seven years
In exchange of seven days of brilliance
Life went through ages
until the human disaster arrives

Zhu Geliang* and his battle of Chibi, the heroism of a graveyard with ten thousand men
After one thousand years, war is still staging on the screen
Will it be that the chaos my mother told me is coming back?
Who can repay their credit card debts? who has control over the nuclear bombs?
Who will realize that reincarnation will return??

(* The prime minister of the Kingdom Shuhan in the Romance of Three Kingdoms.)

Adults fight in air-conditioned rooms
Children flee under the sun
The oil is drying up and disaster hits Walls Street
At last, they launched the missiles to defend their dinner

I fear of a future, where people are used to all this
Pick up a dictionary and turn one page after another, the word that you couldn't find
Is it love? Is it love? (Goodnight, People of the Earth)
Let it not be love
Let it not be love (Goodnight, People of the Earth)

Down to Earth! 2008 Mayday Concert

2008-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Just had a shower. Never felt so content before. Only now I know why people will spend so much on concerts...

I got a seat very near to the stage. The original price was $171, but thanks to Ling, I managed to get it for only $80. It was really a nice seat, just behind the arena. I was a bit disappointed at first, cuz the seat was quite far from the stage. Little did I know that there would be a surprise...

Waiting for the concert to start... watching Mayday's mtv on a big screen, adrenaline surging...

Suddenly... the lights went off, and the prologue was played on the giant white sheet which covered the stage.

I was so impressed that the whole concert actually had a theme. The prologue was based at 2057, 50 years from now. At that time, most species on earth has gone extinct, and humans are fighting a violent war against each other. The Mayday team members were seen in rags and dirt, joking around just as usual. Ashin told a little girl about dolphins that once lived in the oceans, she hasn't seen them before. He then gave her a necklace with a dolphin pendulum, saying that dolphins symbolizes hope.

Suddenly, there was an explosion, their village was under attack! Many masked soldiers marched into the compound and a terrible gunfight took place. At this point of time, it really shocked the spirits out of me to notice that a few REAL masked soldiers came down from the ceiling of the indoor stadium "comando" style, and started pointing their guns towards the audience!

One of the soldiers!

In the midst of the gunfight, the girl was shot. Ashin rushed to her just to find that she was gone. His face went blank, and in his grief he let out a loud, painful cry. The big white sheet covering the stage was dropped, and the show began!!!!

Stone playing an amazing guitar solo

Followed by Monster

It was song after song of great music, music that has been with me since I was 15 years old. Music that me and my sister danced to in our living room. Music that my sister said to me, " isn't this very meaningful?" It was my sister who brought me into the magical world of Mayday, and opened up a whole new perspective of life for me.

They even played 一千個世紀 (Romance of a thousand centuries)! It's a song about a love that transcends centuries-- a pair lovers that went through countless cycles of reincarnation, and at the end were joined in heaven while they watched as the sun dies. The song described the love through evolution, from unicellular organisms, to tetrapods, to mammals, to cavemen, to civilization and so on... Mayday is just genius, evolution has never been so sexy and romantic before!

Monster (left) and Stone (right) humming away with their guitar solo on a raised platform.

The songs were just too explosive! Everyone was so high, jumping up and down and swaying their arms in the air (me too!). I managed to capture the fireworks just on time!

Ashin on the giant screen, looking charming as usual =)

I was so happy to see Mayday live, that tears were welling in my eyes all the time. At one point Mayday played the song 小太阳 (Little Sun), it touched me so much that I gave up holding my tears and let them trickle down my cheeks in a cocktail of joy, excitement, pain and most of all, relief. The song brought back memories of granny, because it is about a person who went off in search of his dreams, but has somebody waiting back at home for him. As if every word Ashin sang was about my own story, I couldn't help but screamed my heart out, hoping that the person in the song could make it back home...

The show just kept getting better and better! While I was screaming, swaying my arms and head banging at the same time, I suddenly noticed that there was a platform coming down in front of me!

WTH! What is this?!

Ah!! Now I know what it is for!!! Before I could take a breath to calm myself...

Ashin ran from the stage in front and walked onto the platform!!!!!!!

Followed by Stone...

...And Marsha (left, can't see his face tho)!

...And of course, my all-time favourite drummer, Guanyou!

Not to forget our great guitarist Monster! To show his affection towards Mayday fans in Singapore, Monster had the Chinese words for "Singapore" written on his arm.

Another view of the platform, taken by Yinfong.

Get some guitars onto the platform and let's Rock n Roll again!

It is coincidently Marsha's birthday today. So we all sang the birthday song to him. Marsha joked that Guanyou should lie down and get the candle up for him! =P Haha, never knew Marsha could make dirty jokes too! Well, it was really nice to see Marsha celebrating his birthday on stage with four best friends. A very touching scene.

After they went back to the stage, Stone sang us a song that he just composed for his newborn baby. The title of the song is "Yi Ya Ya" (baby language).

Everyone was so high in "恋爱-ing"! Mayday got the whole crowd wild, spelling "L-O-V-E" in a roar for nearly 5 minutes!

A couple of kickin songs, and the show ended with a blast! =) The end was a very nice touch. It was ended with the song 天使 (Angel), and the screen played the video of the little girl, smiling widely, saying, "You are my angel, You are my first, and my last heaven".

The crowd continued to cheer so Mayday came out for an anchore song.

Their t-shirts said "Make music, not war". That is what I love about Mayday, they are always concerned about what's happening in the world, and its all written in their songs too. (Photo courtesy from Yinfong)

Curtain call! Thank you! (Photo courtesy from Yinfong)

I just had my Tropical Conservation Biology exams this afternoon, and went straight to Mayday's concert. Coincidently, the theme they had was about a future that is becoming more and more bleak for us. There are tragedies happening all around the world that we, living in Singapore, are sheltered from. Towards the end, Mayday advocated the message of hope, inscribed in that innocent smile of the little girl. I can't help but thinking, what more can we ask from music if not to spread the message of peace and love?

Links to other blog post about the concert:
it's lovee
FreedomKeys
清听清诉

Mayday TONIGHT!!!!!

2008-04-26T02:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I'm gonna be close... very close to Mayday!! =D

Oh gosh oh gosh, I'm so excited I think I'm hyperventilating. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack!

It's crazy, reeeeally crazy to go to their concert in the midst of exams. It's just crazy! But it is something that I've been waiting for years! Can you imagine? Mayday, Mayday after all these years?!

Oh gosh oh gosh... I will be able to look Ashin so close in the eye! I will be able to see Guanyou plays his drums live! OH GOSH!

Ok, get dressed, get ticket, get camera, and GET GOING!

GEEEEESHHHHHH....

Reflection of the Day:

2008-04-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Don't be remembered as a person of great acheivements,
Be remembered as a person of great values.

~ Albert Einstein

Another reflection:

Exams period is when famous quotes get a lot of attention.

Reflection of the Day :

2008-04-22T03:32:00.000-07:00

Our forefathers lived in poverty to give us a better future.

We are living in luxury in the expanse of our future generation's survival.

有风的下午

2008-04-20T01:01:00.000-07:00

在一天中，你最喜欢的是什么时候呢？

我对有风的下午，情有独钟。每一个阳光明媚，吹着缓风的下午，都会让我不禁的感慨，生活其实很美好。

独自坐在食堂里，眼前摊开了一本课本。突然之见开始怀念和朋友们一起读书的时候。如今大家就快要毕业了，可以一起读书的，就剩这短短的一个星期了。为什么人总要等到失去了，才想要好好珍惜呢？真犯贱！

我从小到大总是在憧憬大学的生活，总觉得那一定是我人生中的黄金时代。如今，我这所谓的黄金时代再过半年就要结束了。虽然这四年里，生活是前所未有的充实－从马来西亚，到新加坡，到斯里兰卡，到瑞典，到欧洲各个国家，再回到这一个小岛，眼界确实是打开了不少。但是，一想到这段美好的时光就要告一段落，真有点舍不得，有点遗憾。感觉上，还有好多好多想做的事情。

这突如其来的领悟，总让人措手不及。可能，最好的应对方法就是好好得活在当下，努力珍惜每一刻。

毕业的朋友们，你们先行一步，我随后就到！

（哈哈，怎么听起来有点不吉利了！晕!）

My Trip to China 9/2/08 ~ 17/2/08

2008-04-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Okie dokie... So long since I last posted on this blog. Well, I met Carolyn ChiChi last weekend, and showed her the pics I've taken while I was in China visiting GC's family. I realized that I didn't really show the pics to many, and Charles Koko didn't see them too. So here goes...

GC's home is at 沈阳 (Shenyang), northeastern China. I visited his family during the CNY period. It was quite a good time to visit the city since it was a festive season. The only regret was that it didn't snow.... (global warming, *sigh*)

First there was.... 冰糖葫芦!!! I always couldn't imagine what kinda candy it is... it was my first time trying 冰糖葫芦, and I love it a lot!!

Picture of GC's grandparents, his two cousins & me. The kid on the left, 大龙, is really smart and funny. =)

Playing Indian poker with his cousins...

While waiting for the reunion lunch to be ready, the kids (including me, hehe) went down for some firecrackers!!

GC's father (standing). I guess GC will look like his father in 15 years time! Hehe! Well, the reunion lunch was nothing like ours in Penang... the food was... simply Overwhelming!!!

Before we all started eating, we celebrated GC's granny's bday. =) She looked so cute in that paper crown. Hehe. Oh, and the cake was gigantic! The bday candles were really special, they were on a lotus, and the lotus sang an electronic bday song when lit!

I made a little present for his granny. =) It was a painting with the words "福寿" on it.

The men's table

Me at the kids & ladies' table. It was too small for all the dishes and so we had to stack them up!

Alcohol is a must in reunion lunches!! =) This is me making a toast to GC's father.

The next day, we went to the 冰雪大世界 (Snow World?) near the city. The sculptures were amazingly huge!

GC & his parents. It was damn cold at that time... - 20!!!

Me trying to balance myself on that slippery slippery snow. =)

Pop & I

Ice sculptures. =) the Snow World is quite famous here, since northern China is popular for its cold weather (quite like Scandinavia)

GC's parents & I. The sculptures were fantastic once the lights were on! I've never been to a place where one can walk around in open space & enjoy the sculptures without having them melting! Hehe!

GC sliding down on ice! =D

After that we went to 赏灯 (lantern-watching), something that people usually do on the 15th day of CNY over there. =) They lit up the whole garden for that purpose.

Giant-size 冰糖葫芦! Yum yum!!

The next place that I've visited was the Shenyang's Imperial Palace (沈阳故宫). Apparently, it was where the Qing dynasty started!

Outside the walls of the palace... How many guards did they have to employ to petrol this extremely long walls??

大红灯笼高高挂!

GC & I in the palace. The picture on top was where the emporer had his meetings for day-to-day affairs of state, and at the bottom was where he met all his courtesans! Haha!

The palace is a UNESCO World Heritage site. =) Can you imagine that the Qing emporer once stepped on these stones, and probably stopped where I was, contemplating his state affairs?

At one of the palace's courtyards...

GC & I at the palace's gardens... =)

After that we met up with his old schoolmates, and went for Korean BBQ with some of them.

Next stop was the Qing emperor's graveyard. It is actually in a very big garden. So here we are at one small corner of the garden. Feels like we're in one of 徐志摩's poems...

After we've visited the graveyard, GC and I went for some ice skating... on a frozen lake!

Dinner with his family... =)

Shenyang's night scene...

Well, the trip left me with a good bunch of nice memories... his family was warm and accomodating. Also, I finally got to place myself in one of the nice scenaries of China I've imagined from all the poems that I've read in my secondary school days. However, there are still a great deal of cultural differences, and its difficult for me to fit into the place, as yet.
But well, a nice shot for my first trip to China! =) Looking forward to the Great Wall now!!

Wished I was home

2007-12-01T01:13:00.000-08:00

Finally, the three most heavy exams are over. One more next Tuesday, and I'm done with the semester.

Finally, some time for myself, to grieve.

My grandpa passed away last saturday. It was around 6am when I got the call from home. I struggled on whether to go home or not, but decided to stay for the exams. The reason was simple, if me going home would revive my grandpa, I would take a flight right away. But the reality has set itself in and there's nothing I can do.

Within six months two of my grandparents passed away. Grandpa fell down and injured his pelvis more than one month ago, and he hadn't recover since. I went back when he was readmitted the third time because of a heartattack, and was with him in the hospital for two days. Looking back, I'm really glad I went back, cuz it was the last time I saw grandpa.

He was a very strange and stubborn man, with all his queer habits. Mom joked that grandpa would make it through because he could still scold people when he was in the hospital. =) But apparently his ressillience, which had made him a strong character in the family, couldn't bring him any further. It was time, and he passed away in peace. Mom said she prayed that grandpa could wait till I finish my exams, but he kept telling daddy that he wanted to choose a "good date". Sure enough, his final date happened to be the 15th of the lunar month. He had his last wish.

I didn't tell my friends until a couple of days ago. I went around being my old self, trying hard to keep the grief at bay so that I won't start crying everytime I open the textbook. I think I managed to pull myself through. Now I have only one paper left. I can take a deep breath and bid goodbye to him.

Well, for me, it won't really be the last goodbye until I have gone home and paid my respect.

Life is so vulnerable. I wished we had more time.

ARRRGGH!

2007-11-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am so unbelievably inefficient!!!

Just got scolded by my supervisor for not doing something that can be done in just 10 minutes. The worst thing is, he proved that to me by finishing the task. That's the worst humiliation you can give a person. To ask somebody why a task is not done and say "nevermind, it's done already". I don't even get a chance to undo the mistake.

My biggest problem is being awfully bad in time management and in prioritizing things. I always try to do everything, and at the end, nothing is done well. I didn't complete the 10-minute task because I was revising for a module, which can be done tomorrow, sunday, or even next week! Wherelse the 10-minute task had to be done asap cuz we're one day later than the dateline! Sometimes i really amazed myself by being so blissfully ignorant about the urgency of things.

This is not the first time something similar has happened. I've been scolded many times for not doing things that I said I would do. I wonder what other people actually think about me. Whether they'll say "Alison? Oh, she likes to give empty promises". And it's not the first time I told myself I won't do it again. I'll be more carefull and make sure something like this doesn't happen again. But it does, and I get disappointed and frustrated about myself once more.

Gosh, I guess its not about being cautious, cuz you can't really keep everything in your head every single second. I think its about thinking differently--be more attentive to things that affect other people. Try to complete tasks so that others won't get jeopardized.

I'm looking blankly at his email now, don't really know how to reply. I'm sure I'll have to apologize, but whatever reasons i give will be unacceptable. I can imagine him thinking "what? this can be done in 10 minutes. Don't give stupid reasons for not doing it."

Guess I'll just have to own up to it. Shit.

This should really teach me a lesson, before something that is more serious happens.

The rain's lament

2007-10-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

I was so f***king sure I'm going to get a PhD... until now.

After hearing Ayda's account on how a post-graduate life is, and how a senior from SPS got into Cambridge with a full scholarship... I really wonder, do I have what it takes to be one?

What do you do, when you suddenly lost your courage to carry on, just like how a streetlamp goes *poof* when the power tripped? Walking back to my room from science, the drizzle made me even more confused. And in my bewilderment, I felt, as if, I'm Harry Potter, walking into the forbidden forest.

Ok, many of you might be laughing by now, but for me, I see so much of my own life in the story, so much so that it has become a place for me to look for comfort in times of difficulties.

When the truth dawned uponHarry, that he had to let Lord Voldermort kill him in order to destroy the Dark Lord, Harry had to make a choice. Either he run away or surrender himself to the Dark Lord's wrath. Like all heroes in a story, Harry chose the latter, and began his solitary march towards to forbidden forest, where he would meet his own end.

Well, it was not the plot that captured me. It was how Rowling brought us into the struggle within Harry that had made that single moment worth reflecting. Now, as the lamp within me just went *poof*, I'm sitting alone in my room, feeling nothing but disconcerted.

For as much as I would like to believe, I am seriously not an exceptionally gifted person. I'm no Dean's lister, no outstanding undergraduate researcher, no first class honour holder. I'm just as plain as the rainwater accumulating in pools on the street right now. I have extraordinary dreams, I really do. I want to be the person who saves Malaysian rainforest. I want to work with Orangutan in Sepilok. I want to go to Africa. But all these wonderful dreams have to start with the step in front of me. This step, however, is unfortunately far from the destination.

There is one big disconnection between what one wants to do and what has to be done now. Just as Harry's stride, although he knew what his destination was and longed so much to accomplish it, it didn't make every step that he had to take any easier. All the while he was waiting for someone to jump out and tell him that he didn't need to do it.

My story was not as grievious as Harry's. Not at all. Mine was supposed to be a story about struggles and acheivements, about tears and laughters, about friendships along the way. It was supposed to be a story with a victorious finale. A happy ending.

I can see it. But walking towards it, is extremely... hard.

Especially when you look through your own skin and realize that you are not that special after all.

A week well spent

2007-10-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Truly a week well spent. Thursday I went for a gathering for our dear uncle iceberg who came back from Spain. 13 of us ate our hearts out in Sakae Sushi buffet. It was just like our hall times once again. To be honest I still felt a slight gap between me and this bunch of old friends. Maybe it was because I've been away for a year. Even then, I really love meeting up with these people who've walked me through most of my university life. These friends are the rare few that I always feel I can chat my heart out with them. Hope that in time I can make up for the lapse. .Everyone looked contented after the sumptuous meal

San Min, Wendy, me and Ah Woo. The other 5 guys sitting at the table behind us. =)

Then on Saturday, I went to meet Carolyn Chi Chi for lunch in Citylink, followed by some 'afternoon stroll' (for exercise, heh) in Suntec. =) I brought her the 'pong piah' from Penang, and she brought me two pairs of her shoes, one stain remover to fix my sun dress, and a nice embroidered white shirt. She always manage to surprise me by being super attentive to details -> she remembered that my sun dress needs fixing even though I just mentioned to her once! Thanks a lot Chi Chi, you're the best! ;)

After that GC and I went to WestMall and IMM to shop for the sandals that he needed badly (cuz he has a blister from wearing the previous one). He lit up the whole evening with glitters of magic by simply buying me a big fat yellow sunflower! It is the only flower that can make me smile whenever, wherever and however. Hehe, I felt blissfully happy holding the huge stalk of sunshine, walking through throngs of weekend shoppers in our hunt for the sandals. I hope he finds the thing I quietly slipped into his bag. =P

Me and my stalk of sunshine

It is always in times of void and loneliness, that we learn that happiness comes from nowhere but within. In the land of plenty, most people feel as though they don't have enough. I felt so too. It was only through the pain of loss that I realized how rich and poor I am. Rich because there are many people who love me, but poor because I don't know how to love others properly. Sometimes I'll get a feeling of sudden lightning strike and I'll want so much to burst out and give my love ones a big hug. Today is one of those times.

I just hope that everyone knows how much he/she has made me a happy person.

My 'BaPo Gang' from high school, meeting up over mooncake festival.

Me, my dearest aunt, Big uncle, and his children. The girl in red shirt, Apple, is my favourite cousin. Picture taken just before I left for the bus back to Singapore after being home for mooncake festival.

A silly yet funny survey that Sippy sent

2007-07-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

$4325.00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

树欲静而风不止

2007-06-07T03:19:00.001-07:00

Am in Bangkok's new international airport, Suvarnabhumi, now. Sitting in Starbucks, listening to Daniel Lemma's songs, waiting for my next flight to Stockholm 8 hours later.

I'm a lot calmer than when I was here 9 days ago. I lost somebody very important and I never felt so helpless before. I wanted to rush home for the funeral, but yet mummy and uncle didn't want me to. I still remember aunt sent an sms to me saying: "Promise me you won't come back, Ah ma will understand". But at the end, I decided to go back. With the help from Diana, I had the ticket in 2 hours time, and ended up at this very place, waiting for the connecting flight to Penang.

Reality didn't alter itself whether I went back or not, granny left. But at least I had the chance to face my grief properly, to understand it, to deal with it, and hopefully in time, to overcome it. I am especially grateful that I was there for mummy, sis and aunt. Granny is way too important in our lives, and losing her is like losing an anchor in an angry sea. We all had a part of our hearts ripped off, and I'm happy that we kept each other company in our effort to heal the wound. The emptiness granny left behind is slowly filled by the love I still have around me. 患难见真情，it's only through this lost that I saw how much I love my family and my family loves me. Mummy, sis, aunt, my bros, my uncles, they gave me all the strength I need to carry on. Every hug and every "take care of yourself" makes things a lot easier. Some things died, but at the same time some things grew. That's the fact of life.

For me, nothing will be as before. It'll take a very long time before I get used to a life in which I don't get to ask "How's granny?" anymore. Nonetheless, I'm prepared to get on with it, I'm prepared to step onto Stockholm and rock'n roll again. I might be buzzing around like a bee again, and I'll make sure that I do things better, I'll make sure that I try to enjoy what's left of Stockholm for me as much as before.

Khuan was right... one big regret is enough. I don't need another.

Vårball

2007-05-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

A fairy tale came true. For the first time my childhood dream of becoming Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella was fulfilled. It was a magical night, filled with music.

19th May, I went to the Vårball (the Spring Ball) with Daniel, my colleague (or rather, half-boss) in SenseGraphics. The ball was in Uppsala, the biggest student city in Sweden. At this time of the year, each student nation (something like student union) will organize a ball. The one we went to was at Norrlands Nation.

What girls like best ~ making locks!!
At Magnus's (Daniel's brother) place.
From left, Catharina (Magnus's gf), Susanna, me, Christina and her sister.

And while the girls were busy, the guys were chilling on the sofa eating popcorns!! Urgh!
And... as a consequence of spending too much time on the sofa, Daniel's buttons were done just 10 mins before going into Norrlands Nation.
Daniel's comment: why can girls look all pretty but guys have to look like penguins?!!
4 cute penguins... handsome!
All set for the ball!
(okie, I know i looked really short, but I was already on high heels!)
My date and I... at the foyer.
In the dining hall...
First course of the night ~ My favourite salmon!!
Choir performance
Now this is funny... it's the Norrlands song book that they gave out during the dinner.
Svärmor is one of the drinking songs (basically songs u sing when u r shit drunk) in the book.
Svärmor means mother-in-law, and it goes like this:
"That day I threw my mother-in-law into the Volga lake,
I screamed at her: You bitch! Make your last prayers!
She floated, but I threw stones at her until she sank!"
Now we know what Swedes think about their mother-in-law, haha!
Daniel n I at the dining table.
Second course... lamb file, yum yum!
Typical Swedish dinner ethics... never touch the last potato!
Me n my little white lotus

A-capella performance ~ super romantic =)
The dining table ~ the candle lights really looked pretty when it's dark
See?
Catharina n I. She looked absolutely gorgeous!
Magnus n IDaniel n I

Well, there's a big part of the ball that I didn't take pictures of ~ the dance! The dance started with a couple of Vienna waltz. I never thought I would dance to the "The Blue Danube" by Strauss. Remember how the couples spin like tops in the movies? Well, it was like that! Just that in reality, everyone was spinning in different directions, and navigation became the most interesting part of the dance ~ to try to ramp across the dance floor, and still looked elegant! Dancing was really fun. Daniel gave me a few crash courses before the ball, so we were able to enjoy the evening. After the waltz, the band played some jazz, and we danced fox-trott to that. I have a video of the dancing, I'll try to figure out how to put videos on blog asap! =)

Bei, at first I told u I wanna learn lindy-hop, but now I wanna learn waltz, swing and fox-trott! Hehe, u'll have a hard-time learning all of them!

Well, I'll really have to thank a few people for making this night so special for me:
Magnus and Catharina for a place to prepare
Christina for the hair-do
Ulrika (no.1) for the jewelries
Ulrika (no.2) for the dress
XiaoYing for the little white lotus
Anna for the shawl and gloves
and most importantly Daniel for the arranagements, the dances, and the breakfast & lunch!

My pride is eating me up

2007-05-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

What can you do when you are extremely angry with yourself?!

I did something wrong, I mistreated people, took things for granted, talked without action.
I admit it , and I'm terribly sorry. But sometimes saying sorry is not enough! Sometimes
admitting that you are wrong is not enough either.

Ah woo told me to that every problem has a solution. So whenever somebody became a loser,
he should get up as quickly as possible and try to prove otherwise. I told him I believed him,
and I'll try. But on the way back I was thinking about the whole issue and I felt as if everything
is beyond my control.

For all my life I hoped for some failures, some challenges, because I know that people grow
from them. But now when I actually have one I so hope that it would just go away! Leave me
alone! Mayday's songs were blasting in my ears, the volume was almost max. But I just couldn't
force the awful feeling away.

I know that at the end of the day this might just be a trivial mistake.
Maybe it already looked like one for those who've been through the worst.
But this monster that grows within is really disgusting! I don't want to have anything to do
with it. I don't want to even look at it.

What can be worse when you have nothing else to blame except yourself?

Easter with Marsja

2007-04-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

It was sunny but cold when we walked out of our dorm, heading towards Hötorget to Adolf Fredriks Kyrka (Adolf Fredrik's church). There was a Protestant mass on 11am, and Jerica will be conducting a choir in it.

It was my first time listening to a traditional church organ, a trumpet and live choir during a mass. It felt as if it was a ceremony, things were done one after another. The choir sang, the music lingered and it ended with the chimes of the bells above.

We picnicked in the church's graveyard after the mass. It might sounded scary, but with the spring flowers all around and the sun shining bright, the gravestones seemed a lot more welcoming and friendly than those in the movies. Marsja showed me the grave of the famous Swedish prime minister that was assasinated on 28th Feb -- Olaf Palme. Jerica brought out the Slavik Easter cake that her mom made, and Marsja and I brought out our hot tea. The priest walked by with his two sons, smiling at us.

After the picnic the three of us went to H&M, I bought a hairband to tidy up my already long hair, and Jerica bought a pair of earrings for a wedding that she will be attending. Marsja and I continued to Academic Bokhandeln to buy the world map that we've been all talking about.

Once we reached home, we started to hang the world map. But it was too small for our blank white wall in the kitchen, so Marsja went down town to change it to a bigger one. When she came back with the big map, we continued our unfinished task. First it was just Marsja and I, then Xiao Ying came, then Raj and Pradip, then Mohsen... and the kitchen just got crowded and crowded, because we were hanging the world map that belongs to all of us--the world map that I can point where Malaysia is, Mohsen where Iran is, Elena where Bulgaria is...

Then Marsja and I started our movie marathon with the tapes that Gunnar has left us before leaving for his easter holidays with his mother. First it was Ed Wood, directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp was so young in the movie that his voice still sounded like a teenager!! The movie was a true story about Edward D. Wood Jr. that was selected as the Worst Director of all times. The second movie that we watched was Charlie Chaplin's Gold Rush. We watched the movie, with Chaplin's commenting it himself, and also the documentary of the movie. I was so happy to finally see the famous "Roll Dance" by the immortal Chaplin. He was a great man, that made people laugh at even hunger!

The final movie of our marathon was Akiro Kurosawa's Throne of Blood, which was actually a Japanese version of Macbeth. It was the movie that Hanyi turned into 鬼藏, the first NOISE! production in Penang. The movie brought back many found memories of working with NOISE!.

It was easter, and both Marsja and I had tons of work piled up. But we decided to forget about them for just one day and enjoy a lovely day together.

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

2007-03-31T16:27:00.000-07:00

Olla said that without Xiao Ying telling us about her precious childhood memory at the riverside, he wouldn't have brought out the CD with the song "Down to the river to pray", we wouldn't listen to this song that is in the sound track of the movie "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", and we would never thought of watching the movie.

We might just stayed in our own rooms doing our own work. Tonight will never be like this.

He's right.

I wouldn't have had Marsja's shoulders to lay my head on, Gunnar wouldn't have prepared the wonderful rum and coke, and we wouldn't have had such great laughed at the movie.

At the beginning of the movie, the old man told the 3 escaped prisoners:
"You wouldn't find the treasure you set out to find, but another one, which you'll find when you see the cow on the roof."

True enough, they didn't find the 1.2 million dollars, because there wasn't any in the first place. But they found a better treasure, they found the peace in their lives.

I'm not very sure whether I've found the treasure i am after, but I'm pretty sure I've found a better one-- the warmth within my corridor kitchen that kept us all cozy through good and bad times.

"O brothers let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
Come on brothers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray."

Göteborg in Spring + tips on how to know spring is here (in red)

2007-03-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

This week i went to Göteborg (Gothenburg) for the Vitalis IT-healthcare conference. I was lucky to get to walk around this ancient town before leaving for Stockholm.

(my train was at 18:00)

Daniel Goude and I in front of the Svenska Mässan (Swedish Conference Center)
His a very interesting person~ he had a medical background, but now he's coding games for rehabilitation! IT & healthcare expertise in one!
Tips 1: look at people's attire. Not mine, hehe, but Daniel's

This is a statue of a man holding a fish in front of the Göteborg Art Gallery. Göteborg is a famous maritime city since a long time ago.

A view of Göteborg's busiest avenue, you can see the sea at the very far end. =)

Vasakyrkan. The church just out of a fairy tale.

Spring!! Pansies are planted to form the shape of a star in front of the church.
Tips 2: Spring is here when u see the thing that u haven't been seeing for months Flowers!!
Pansies!!!
Inside the church ~ the bygone era.

Tips 3: Just look at what they are doing. =)
Göteborg has two major canals running across it. This is one of them...
Tips 4: The banks started to get crowded.
Me at the river bank.
I learned from the locals... just lie down at the river bank and read a book.
2 frens chatting under the warm sun.This is the fish church! =) It's a building that looks like a church, but actually it's a fish market!
See? Inside the fish church. =)
Tips 5: People started to sit outside. =) One of the signs of spring.
Göteborg & its beauty
me in McD

And my McChicken...
(Er... i know i declared myself to be a vegetarian... but.. er.. u know, the burger is just 10kr..)The streets from the window in McD

Last tips of the day: When McD started to put Tulips on their tables...

Am I really retarded?

2007-03-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

A Quest to Carry On

2007-03-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

This is a period of extreme ups n downs.

Maybe because there's too much going on at every point of time, and I just couldn't get a grip of myself.

I've been crying over the same thing for the third time in one week, and everytime i thought it would be the last. The problem seemed trivial after every outburst, but soon it would start to agregrate again. I guess this is what happens when you go against your will.

I'm striving to do well in a territory foreign to me. Great effort results in insignificant deed. Despite the tremendous inferiority i've felt, the next step has to be taken. I'm not sure why I'm experiencing such struggle, while others seem to be able to flow with the waters. The only reason I can figure out is that something must have been wrong with my perspective. Maybe it's all in my head.

Neither can I share the problem, nor shed the burden. Most of me wanted to carry on. I know I shall find light sometime, and I hope it's soon.

But before that, I so wish that I could stop feeling so small.

Bara gången (Just a walk)

2007-03-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

We took 3 hours to walk around Brunnsviken, the lake just beside my hostel. It was perfect weather, with an amazing amount of sun and wind. We saw ducks and a lonely swan; we saw people jogging and power-walking; we saw dried leaves from the last autumn, uncovered after the snow melted; but most of all, we saw how the magical glitters played on the surface of our beloved lake.

Our senses were calmed, our spirit uplifted, our pace slowed. Olla, Gunnar, Marsja and I.

It was just a walk for 3 hours, but it was wonderful.

Pics from Skiing trip ~ Dallarna 16/02/07

2007-03-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

"The First" record
- first time sleepin in a Swedish home
- first time skiing
- first time long distance skating
- first time enjoying a real fire place

In the train to Dallarna... Ah yee, see the oversized bonnet!!! I got so big a head meh?

Arrived at Mora! Daniel's (my colleague) house is in Dallarna, some 10km from Mora

In the car, heading to the skii slope! See? It's there...

Ramkumar, Daniel and I
I'm holding the pair of Carving Skiis =) Bright orange!
Daniel and his brother Fredrik

#$%&*)(#$%@ ... It's so fun to look at people fall, but not so fun to experience it yourself!

Up the ski lift.
(Please forgive my ridiculous look with the helmet.. better to have it than to break my neck, hehe)

The top of the scary red line. =)
Guess what they are doing?
NINTENDO WII~~~~~
I got to try one of these myself :P Great stuff!
Day 2, while waiting to go skating, Daniel brought out this fantastic board game called the EuroTrip. The objective is to build as many railways as possible. It's sooo long since i last played board games... nostalgic!
Then... off to skating! And, this is not normal skating, we skated on the lake! Special skates (longer ones) were needed cuz it's long distance. Figure skates (the ones we get from skating rink back home) couldn't move as far. =)
Dinner with Daniel's family... Papa Bengt was not in the picture. =)
The Swedish traditional dinner was fabulous! (we had moose, hehe)

Corridor dinner -- Yum Yum Yum!!

2007-03-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

Okie, I haven't been posting for a super duper long time. Well, have been busy (yea yea, who isn't). Doens't seem like a good reason isn't it? But anywayz, I'M BACK!!!

Just had a corridor dinner on Saturday. So basically it's a dinner for all the students living in the same corridor (we call the common space we all share a corridor since normally a hostel block has 2 corridors, left and right, on each level). It's a great way to get to know each other, since you not only can talk toyour neighbours, but also to taste their cooking!

We had to date 4 corridor dinners, and here comes the pictures for the 2 recent ones.

First corridor dinner (some time before Chinese New Year)

From left: Raj (Indian), me, Gunnar (Swede), Fredrik (Swede), Johannas' friend (Finnish), Dawson (Canadian/Australian) and Elena (Bulgarian). I know Dawson's origin might have sounded very unbelievable cuz it seems like he comes from two different side of the world. But yea, he's a Canadian citizen who has been studyin in Australia for a very long time.

We normally have excessive food, cuz everyone is sooo eager to show off their cooking! Hehe, so we ended up with bloated tummies and serious indigestion. So, that evening, somebody suggested that we should take a walk on the lake. And NO, my grammar is correct-- we literally walk ON the lake!!

It's not shown too clearly here, but the surface we were walking on was the ice on the lake. It had been below zero for quite a few weeks now, so it's very safe to walk on it! By the way, we had a Swede (Gunnar) with us, so ingen problem!! The pretty gal walking in front was dear Marsja, a sweet Russian girl studyin choir conducting. She can sing like a nightingle.
A trail of crazy students who had nothing to do after dinner!

And... This saturday!!
Menu:
Gunnar: Ragg Murka
Marsja: Tuna soup
Xiao Ying: Seaweed salad
Alison: Pineapple fried rice
Raj: Chicken curry and dahl
Dawson: blueberry and apple pie
Olla: Norwegien ice cake
Elena: "Lasagna-like" delicacy which i don't know the name

Well, to that special someone who has been checking my blog... yes! The pineapple fried rice stock you sent turned out to be a winner! Marsja was very fascinated by the taste... she said it was a bit sweet and a bit sour and a bit salty, and she couldn't really tell how it was other than it was GOOD!!!

Incoming!!! Pineapple fried rice for all!

Busy busy preparing... I was holding a Swedish traditional food called Ragg Murka -- a kind of potato pancake that you eat with bacon and lingonberry jam. Nice! The guy in blue t-shirt is Olla, the new guy in the block. He's a Swede studyin in the Police Academy. =)
Our in-house-photographer (Elena) took this pic of me while i was cleaning up the mess i made. :P

We were discussing about islam and the option to have 4 wives... and so, we decided that since Raj is such a nice guy, he deserves 4 beautiful wives! hehe...

Corridor dinners are always fun. But it also brings up the sad fact that people come and go almost too quickly. Johannas and Fredrik moved out, and Dawson is going to move out soon too. We hardly get to really know them, and now they are leaving... will miss them a lot! Best of luck guys!!

闺怨王昌龄

2006-12-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

闺中少妇不知愁，春日凝妆上翠楼。
忽见陌头杨柳色，悔教夫婿觅封侯。

子夜四时歌南朝乐府民歌

2006-12-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

自从别欢后叹声不绝响黄檗向春生苦心随日长

秋风入窗里罗帐起飘扬仰头看明月寄情千里光

渊冰厚三尺素雪覆千里我心如松柏君情复何似

My first snow in 22 years

2006-10-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

After days and days of reading the weather forecast and anticipating for the snow, my wish came true. A snow alarm rang through msn =P, and I rushed down to the crime scene. Unfortunately, I couldn't catch the culprit--they were everywhere!!!
I was squeking and jumping around, flashing the camera here and there to catch the flakes in motion. (however, the pics shown here are not from my cam =P). They were elegant, so elegant, just like what i've imagined.
I reached out my hands and tried to strike a winter sonata pose. But the flakes were too small i couldn't even feel them in my palms. I just felt a tinge of chill on my face.

The excitement was indescribable. The anticipation was well worth it. And the incident of spotting my first snow was perfectly woven like a dream. Sleep well, and we shall see a white blanket hushing the earth to its slumber tomorrow.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white, clean and bright
You look happy to meet me

Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever

Warm in -6

2006-10-29T14:18:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning, the sun painted on my curtains
I looked out the window, the leaves were yellow and red
I went into the kitchen, there was milk in my fridge
I opened my closet, within hung my coat, scarf and beanie

I walked on the streets, the air was frozen
I glanced on the grass, they were covered with frost
I took the subway nearby, it had many empty seats
I came out of the station, the sky was cloudless and blue

I attended pitching class, the coffee was marvalous
I shaked a few hands, the eyes seemed sincere
I headed back home, the sun just disappeared
I switched on my lamps, they filled the room with warmth

I did my laundry, they smelled really nice
I watched my favourite anime, the girl had beautiful hair
I wrote on my schedule , tomorrow is important
I flipped open "The Professor", he was teaching a girls' school

I checked the temperature, it was -6.

A book called me

2006-10-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Have you read the book called me?
It's before your eyes but could you see?
The glitters, the dust and the shadow cast
Told nothing of the message in the sea

Will you read the book called me?
Let the pages sing to you the solemn melody
It should not be a pat on where it sat
But a flip to reveal the rhapsody

I hope you won't read the book called me
How could you comprehend an affection that's set free
I wish there's a way I could avoid the dismay
And live a life that myself would agree

for a picture that struck me

2006-10-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

gazing at the lake and sky
the world decided to pass me by
one is mirror one is real
one is moving but another is still

but which is which, the lake and sky
i cannot tell, i don't know why
i'm neither here nor am i there
i don't exist yet i'm everywhere

the hue's the same, inside or out
but there's no difference, with or without
one loves the other, all too much
to turn into it, exactly as such

i continue my search for the line
that divides all shadows including mine
but like i said, one loves another
they can't separate and so they solder

but then i saw something yellow
drifting afloat, gentle and mellow
the mirror failed to echo the sweetness
the image dispersed and reveal the unlikeness

and so the imposter is finally uncovered
the stalker who is caught off-guarded
even then the beauty still remains
in those two that are non-terrains

afterall my shadow loves me still
it offers itself down at my heel
and since the world is passing me by
let me and my shadow bid it goodbye!!

2006-10-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

Meghaduta: The Cloud Messenger ~ by Kalidasa

2006-10-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

Sriram 's father was in Stockholm to visit him, and I went over for a fantastic indian dinner with them. After dinner, Sriram, Seera (a fren from the Ideation class) and me started to discuss about Hinduism, Buddhism and the vedas.

We came across this romantic poem, the Cloud Messenger by a legendry Sanskrit poet, Kalidasa. It's about a desperate man on exile speaking to the clouds to bring his love to his wife. It's a long long poem, but please read on, and it will touch your heart. I would like to dedicate this to beibei, may the clouds bring mine to him...

... Managing with difficulty to stand up in front of that cloud which was the
cause of the renewal of his enthusiasm, that attendant of the king of kings,
pondered while holding back his tears. Even the mind of a happy person is
excited at the sight of a cloud. How much more so, when the one who longs to
cling to his neck is far away? ...

... Owing to his impatience, not considering the imcompatibility between a cloud
consisting of vapour, light, water and wind and the contents of his message
best delivered by a person of normal faculties, the yaksha made this request to
the cloud, for among sentient and non-sentient things, those afflicted by desire
are naturally miserable:

Without doubt, your path unimpeded, you will see your brother’s wife, intent
on counting the days, faithful and living on. The bond of hope generally
sustains the quickly sinking hearts of women who are alone, and which wilt
like flowers.

Just as the favourable wind drives you slowly onward, this cataka cuckoo,
your kinsman, calls sweetly on the left. Knowing the season for fertilisation,
cranes, like threaded garlands in the sky, lovely to the eye, will serve you.

Your steady passage observed by charming female siddhas who in trepidation
wonder ‘Has the summit been carried off the mountain by the wind?’, you
who are heading north, fly up into the sky from this place where the nicula
trees flourish, avoiding on the way the blows of the trunks of the elephants of
the four quarters of the sky.

This rainbow, resembling the intermingled sparkling of jewels, appears before
Mt Valmikagra, on account of which your dark body takes on a particular
Loveliness, as did the body of Vishnu dressed as a cowherd with the peacock’s
feather of glistening lustre...

... ...

The slender young woman who is there would be the premier creation by the
Creator in the sphere of women, with fine teeth, lips like a ripe bimba fruit, a
slim waist, eyes like a startled gazelle’s, a deep navel, a gait slow on account
of the weight of her hips, and who is somewhat bowed down by her breasts.

You should know that she whose words are few, my second life, is like a
solitary female cakravaka duck when I, her mate, am far away. While these
weary days are passing, I think the girl whose longing is deep has taken on an
altered appearance, like a lotus blighted by frost.

Surely the face of my beloved, her eyes swollen from violent weeping, the
colour of her lower lip changed by the heat of her sighs, resting upon her
hand, partially hidden by the hanging locks of her hair, bears the miserable
appearance of the moon with its brightness obscured when pursued by you.

... Or having placed a lute on a dirty cloth on her lap, friend, wanting to sing a
song whose words are contrived to contain my name, and somehow plucking
the strings wet with tears, again and again she forgets the melody, even
though she composed it herself;

Or engaged in counting the remaining months set from the day of our
separation until the end by placing flowers on the ground at the threshold, or
enjoying acts of union that are preserved in her mind. These generally are the
diversions of women when separated from their husbands.

... I think of the eyes of that deer-eyed one, the sideways movements of which
are concealed by her hair, which are devoid of the glistening of collyrium,
which have forgotten the play of their eyebrows on account of abstinence
from sweet liqour, and whose upper eyelids tremble when you are near: these
eyes take on the semblance of the beauty of a blue lotus that is trembling with
the movement of a fish.

And her lovely thigh will tremble, being without the impressions of my
fingernails, caused to abandon it long-accustomed string of pearls by the
course of fate, used to the caresses of my hand at the end of our enjoyment,
and as pale as the stem of a beautiful plantain palm...

... I hope, friend, that you are firmly resolved upon this friendly service for me. I
certainly do not regard your silences as indicating refusal. When requested
you also apportion rain to the cataka cuckoos in silence, for the response of
the virtuous to those who make a request is the performance of that which is
desired.

Having undertaken this favour for me who bears this request that is unworthy
of you, with thoughts of compassion for me, either out of friendship or
because you think that I am alone, proceed to your desired destination, O
cloud, your splendour enhanced by rainy season, and may you never be
separated like this even for a moment from your spouse, the lightning...

This is just the excerpt of a 14 page long Adobe file. The poem was written in such a detailed geographical references about the path that the particular monsoon cloud would take that until now it still awed scientists.

This was really a piece of centuries-old wisdom and romance.

May the cloud shed blessing rain on all that has to be separated from their love ones...

Cinnamon day!!

2006-10-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

Just a very short post...

Today is the Swedish Cinnamon Day! Wondering what people do during Cinnamon Day? Well, you basically celebrate it by eating lotsa Cinnamon buns. My CEO pasted a notice on our office door today saying that there'll be a Cinnamon party at 1430~1445. Free buns!! haha! And it's so fun, we just sat around the meeting room, cracking silly jokes about mooses, reindeers, santa lucio day, and the H3D day =D It's amazing how people actually spend the time simply chatting with colleagues. And I don't mean just one person, but the whole company (erm, there were only 6 of us) basically sat down and had a really nice tea...

Ram Kumar with his Cinnamon

My Cinnamon!! I couldn't wait... so i took a bite =P

This was the highlight for today...

Oh ya... and i also got tricked to eat raw garlic... one full clove... I have halts in my mouth now...

写我所喜爱的方块文字

2006-10-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

异乡，异地，异样的风采。从我这对亚洲小眼看出去的欧洲世界，任何东西都显得新奇古怪。骑着脚车叮当而过的女孩、慈颜欢笑的白头老姥、随风凋零的彤彤秋叶、城墙里边的万家灯火，这一切，曾是我的童话世界的一部分。如今，却尽在眼前。踏着脚下的石路，呼吸着一天天转凉的空气，我的梦想，就随着吐出来的雾气，慢慢兑现。

一整个月马不停蹄的周游斯德哥尔摩，今晚又去了山顶的公园看夜景。开始点上灯采的城市，在铜镜般的海面上，显得很平静。一直都兴奋不已的心，被灯影照得透明，乖乖的，也平静了。
看着晚霞挂上彩装，这迷人的夜景，有种不真实的美。它，像一朵盛开的玫瑰，淡淡的散发着浪漫气息。它，像一首动人的情歌，邀我在晚风里翩翩起舞。它，像一个说不完的故事，让我摒着呼吸静静聆听。

我坐在崖边，享受着难得一见的美丽。我多想伸出手，握着旁边的人，对他说：“很美，对不？”，却发现，除了湿沥沥的青苔之外，我身边谁都没有。在那一瞬间，眼帘里的缤纷，突然抹上了一片忧伤。

如无知音，要琴何用？我的知音，和我隔了一大片海洋。冷风里，我握不到他的手。眼前的美景，要如何与他共享呢？打个电话跟他说，我解释得到风中轻轻的旋律吗？动笔写下来，我描绘得到云里变化的色彩吗？多拍几张照片，照片里头又怎么会有闪闪绿光所带来的感动呢？

如今，我活在我的童话里。遗憾的是，童话少了一个王子。若能靠着王子的肩膀瞭望，眼里的，将尽是一片美好。。。

Up & About

2006-09-24T00:56:00.001-07:00

It's going to be another weekend & my feet were getting itchy again :P On Thursday, I went straight to Skeppsholmen (the ship island) after work to catch the sunset. We have passed the day with 12 hours day & 12 hours night, so from now onwards the day will get shorter & shorter than 12 hours. That's why i decided to see as much of the sun when i still could.

This is a cute little mini cooper-like boat. It looked small & chubby among all the sail boats around it.

Sunset from Skeppsholmen... simply breathtaking

Then on Friday, my feet got itchy again, so i went to Kungstragarden (The king's garden) for a stroll. I came across a Jewish Church with body guards around it. To know what's going on inside, i acted like a tourist and asked them whether i can go in. The guard told me sternly that there's a Jewish ceromony going on & tourist were not allowed to enter. Haiz, i shall try my luck again next week! :P I carried on my stroll & came across this beautiful park...

Beside the park, there was a building called "The China Theatre". I was surprised to find something so chinese there so i walked across the road & checked it out.
The interior of the theatre was beautifully decorated, with a strong oriental touch to it. But apart from the name & the interior design, nothing else is chinese. The theatre showed only swedish drama, not even english ones. There was music from the 20s playing, the ambience was perfect. Even this photo has a "花样年华" feel to it!

I continued walking from Kungstragarden to Gamla Stan (the old town) and suddenly an idea struck me: why don't i walk the whole of Gamla Stan (which is an island) & see what's around it! Hehe... so walked around Gamla Stan i did!! These were the photos i took:

A statue at Gamla Stan (The old town)A sweet little souvenir shop well-decorated. Ah yee & mummy, why don't you guys open a shop like this one day? Then you can spend your whole day "officially" making handycrafts . :-) I bet you guys can do a better job than this!See? The dolls were smiling so happily!3 little gnomes in the shop. I like the one in the middle, sleeping soundly...Ah Jie, do you want one of these dolls? They looked very pretty right? (they are quite cheap) I just hope that they are not "made in China".Or maybe one of these?? There were so many dolls & soft toys in Gamla Stan to target the tourists. So you can make your pick!

The stroll on Friday was very fruitful. Now i can tell others that i've walked the whole Gamla Stan! muahaahahaha :D

Yesterday, the weather was so nice. A bright, shiny sun & some breeze... just nice for an outing! After going to the Bergshamra library to get a membership card & borrowed some books, Sriram, Ruiwen & I went out for an expedition to check out what's around our hostel. We were so happy when we found a path leading to another side of the big lake we know. This side definitely has more to see!

Sriram & Ruiwen testing the water

Sriram & I looking at some boats passing byLying down... not really sleeping. With the sleeping habits i have, i'll probably roll into the waters in no time if i doze off.Nice weather is really precious here. That's why we were always in goo mood whenever the weather is nice.The woods beside the lake looks just like in Lord of the Rings, isn't it?This is super funny... I think it looked as if Sriram & ruiwen is shooting a wedding photo. The problem is, Sriram was pointing to one direction & Ruiwen was looking the direct opposite! Hehe...

Now comes a full documentary of Alison falling down...

I wanted to climb up a tree at the lakeside...

Successful!! Now smile & pose for the camera...

Come down slowly... slowly...

Slopshhh *^%@#$@!! Slipped & down i went!

Ruiwen giving me a hand

Woops, slipped & down i went again!

Ruiwen held on to a branch, come on, get up get up!

Phew! Finally!!

Now that was scary...

I had moss all over my pants... see?

Hehe... it was a fright, but luckilly i didn't get any bruishes or scratches. :P Shall be more careful next time lar! Throughout the whole process of falling down & getting up, do you know where is Sriram?? Haiz, he's busy taking the photos. Thanks to him now i have a 连环照 for me to remember. Actually i would like to take this opportunity to compliment Sriram as a very creative photographer... cuz when i was standing around with the afternoon sun behind me... Sriram had a funny idea...

I should act like an enlightened soul...

Or as if i'm spitting fireballs!! Kame-kame-HA!!

Hehe... it was nice to spend a whole saturday afternoon out with the guys... now we know what kind of places we have around our hostel. Kungshamra is such a cool place!! Hehe... love it more & more each day :-)

2006-09-24T00:56:00.000-07:00

Danqi in Stockholm Part II

2006-09-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

Now, the second part is a long long Sunday which we spent in a the Gronalund Trivoli. It was a theme park, but not exactly like the one you get in Genting. It has a classic touch to it, everything here didn't look as hype as Genting, but it sure made us feel like we were in a fairy tale!

Waiting outside at the entrance... actually we were deciding whether to go to the Skansen open air museum or the theme park, and we chose the latter. Thanks Qi for the entrance fee! :P

First and foremost. we went to Pettson Findus' World. Pettson Findus is supposed to be a cat in a fairytale.
These 2 photos were taken on our way out of the theme park in the evening. We didn't take any photos of Pettson Findus when we first went into his house, so we thought we should do that before we leave!

Me & my symbolic sunflower in Pettson Findus' house.
Me & some cute mushrooms. Danqi said it looked like i was waiting for something for too long until mushrooms started to grow there!
Funny chickens in Pettson Findus' barn. They were drinking tea, reading newspapers, & sleeping upside-down!

A couple in swedish traditional clothes came walking by on stilts! Throughout the 8 hours we spent in the theme park, we met a lot of cute characters in customes. At the end of the day, i started to wonder whether they were the same people, just changing the customes from time to time. Why don't you be the judge and tell me whether they look the same!

Everybody look at this... Penang Curry!! Unfortunately, not many know what Penang is, that's why we didn't see any customers there... Qi was the only one in fact...

The Spook House!

This is a play about Mumin (the white monster) and his friends in the woods. The play was a great fun because it interacted with the children & made them very excited!
I was determined to get something from the theme park for souvenir (without paying much), so i decided to try my luck in the games. Wanna know what's the results??
Tadah!! Muahahahaha, i tried 3 times, & managed to get 2 funky ties. Not bad eh?

I got a tie with "super swede" on it, while Qi got a pink shiny one with "stark", which means "strong".

We went around the theme park to decide what rides we would like to try. This was my choice...

Both Qi & I tried it out. It was fabulous!! The ride was situated just beside the waters, so when I was flung into the air, the view was magnificent! The afternoon sun, the strong breeze, the glimmering waters, and people laughing just below you. This must be what an angel would have felt...

Then, we tried out a strange house that must have been made by a crazy genius...

First of all, the stairs moved! The left & right steps of the stairs moved in rhythm, so we had to stand on a step & waited for the other side to come down, stepped on it, then let it bring us up. The house was so strange that for the stairs that didn't move, they were slunted & in odd shapes. The whole house made us felt as if we were mad!!!

Qi walking through the floor that moved right & left.

Me in the rolling tube... felt like a hamster...

The laughing mirror house was the last we went to. We took at least one photo in front of every mirror. This was one of the photos. Hehe... long body, big butt, & short legs... how do we look??

A nice photo of the sunset at the theme park... a day ending like this is a day worth living!

Danqi went back on Monday. I went to send her at the central station. I gave her a brooch as a present & she gave me a sweet hot water bag.
I was very touched, cuz i really didn't expect her to give me a present. She had given me a lot during her one week stay here-- she gaved me the courage to leave my curtains open at night, she taught me so much about living in europe, she brought me around more than i brought her around, and most of all, she opened a door for me. A door that showed me how to make my one year here worthwhile. I didn't see as much of Stockholm & the life here until Qi pointed them out to me, & i'm determined to make the best of it!!

As for the friendship that was put to test, i think it's as solid as it was 2 years ago. Both of us changed, but Qi is still the old Qi i loved so much! :-)

Thanks a lot, Qi!

Danqi in Stockholm Part I

2006-09-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

Finally i found time to sit down & attend to my blog again. :D

My dear fren danqi came to Stockholm from UK (12/9~18/9) to visit me , & we had the best time!! I haven't seen her for... let me see.. 2 years! I wasn't really sure what to expect at first, cuz we might have changed quite a lot during these 2 years. We had different experience & might think differently now. I was not sure whether danqi is still the danqi I love soooo much during STPM days, so... let see if friendship stands through the test :D

We had a lot of "expeditions" together, i'll try my best to write them down. It's going to be a jumble of events, so sit tight, &....... GO! :-)

The first place we visited together was Katarinahissen (The Katarina Lift). See the pic below? The part of the building that is jutting out is connected to the lift that i was blocking. We went to that "overhead bridge" kind of thing n awed ourselves with the view.......

Me & Qi, we looked like teenagers!! Cute! haha!

The Beh-youngjun wanna be... (do i look like him?)

Then one night, I can't remember which, we started cooking pasta. We cooked pasta for dinner (the same flavour, same procedure) for 3 days in a row... but it's so nice we didn't get bored about it, at least i didn't ! :P

Now comes the thrills... on Fri, we went out for a wild night.... Danqi found out about the Absolute Icebar in Stockholm, which i didn't even know exist, and suggested that we should have a Fri night party!! The Stockholm icebar is supposed to be the first in the world, she said there's another one in London too!

They only sell Absolute Vodka in the bar, & they even have an Absolute bottle sculpture...

The bar was filled with... hmm... mostly tourist. We met & talked to people from Japan, US, Taiwan, & also a rude couple which Qi said must be Germans! I guess the locals are not enthusiastic about the bar mainly because they know that this is nothing compared to winter! Let me introduct a two of our new frens...

This is Connie, from Houston, USA. She was very talkative. The glasses were made of ice, so when u drink on them, the glasses melt to the shape of ur lips!

This is... hmm.. both me & Qi couldn't remember his name. But i know he's from Texas. He looked like George Clooney right? He's very talkative too! He told us a lot of stuff, cabs in London, snow in Alaska, & also how his son told him bout this Absolute Icebar!

We were posing a lot in the bar for photos, mostly because we knew we won't be here anymore! For me, I've spent an awful amount of $$ (in my own standard) to get into the bar, so most probably, I'll skip the ice castle in Kiruna.

We stayed for ONLY 1 hour ++ in the icebar... it's -5 in there! After an hour we couldn't take it anymore, my hands were numb, my feet were numb, my nose was numb & i think my brain went numb too! So much for the "I can stand the winter"... let's just hope the -20 winter that is yet to come will show some mercy on me!

Then came Saturday which was our day out to the Royal Palace and the Gamla Stan (old town) part of the city. On our way to the palace, we happened to bump into a public rally given by the Prime Minister.. ah hem... now ex Prime Minister (his party lost) of Sweden.

Yes, that fat guy is him.... :P

While we were walking towards the palace, there was a small & happy band marching by. I think it's to attract tourist. Later on i learned from my neighbour that the band is made of volunteers, nobody gets paid, maybe that's why the band seems quite happy (it's not like their doing a job)!

This is the drum major that striked the same pose no matter who approached him! He had this smile of him that will make your day brighter!
Hehe... the percussions!!

Me posing on the street leading to the Palace. Oh ya, don't be mistaken that it's not cold here just because i'm wearing a spaghetti. I took my jacket off just to look nicer it photos! haha!

Tadah... The Royal Palace!! Unfortunately, the Royal family doesn't live here. They complained that it was too noisy in the middle of the city so they moved ! The guards (on the left) are a tourist attraction, cuz they have this change of guards ceromony that is quite interesting :-)

A sculpture at the garden of the Royal Palace
The interior of the Palace. We didn't see much of it cuz we didn't wanna pay (actually it's I didn't want to pay) to go in! :P

We saw a viking ship along the port just beside the palace. The ship was supposed to bring tourist for a ride along the waters. It was not in operation when we past by, so we decided to hop on anyway, and took a lot of photos! We were on a viking ship ONCE! muahahahha!

Can u guess where is this????
It's a toilet in a hotel!!! And do you know what's the name of the hotel? .... the Grand Hotel. Even the toilet is sooooo grand!

One of the things i want to do is to sit on the grass here. If u look closely, the grass is very fine. and it has another kind of vegetation growing alongside with it, making it feel like a soft carpet. Thanks to dear Qi for taking the photo for me! :D

One week in Sweden... & it's time for Celebration!!

2006-09-10T04:33:00.000-07:00

So, it has been one week since I first came to Sweden. Time flies, and i felt as if I grew up suddenly. I am working now--offically i'm earning my own living. I furnished my room, I cooked my own meals, I did my laundry, cleaned my toilet and I changed my blowed lightbulb. Life is lonelier than it was in Singapore. I have great company here, but nobody close to the heart... yet... oh well, let's just leave some room for one or two life-long friendship to grow, ok? :-)

Back to the point, it has been a week... so it's time for CELEBRATION!!!

On Friday night, the Kungshamra gang (Sriram, Ruiwen n me) went over to join the Lappis gang for a cooking session. It's Dilip's turn to lend us his kitchen, and you know what? We made the BEST use of his kitchen!!

From left: Sriram, Ramkumar & Dilip
(in charge of the eggs!)

From left: Akshay & Ruiwen
(in charge of the vege)

After the cooking session, we have a new definition of the organization of our new company:
CEO : Cheif Egg Officer
CFO : Cheif Food Officer
COO : Cheif Operation Officer (as usual, cuz hav to oversee the whole cooking process)
CTO : Cheif Thief Officer (it's Dilip!! cuz he couldn't stop stealing meatballs!! )

Everybody, let me introduce u to Dilip
(he doesn't like taking photos! haha!)

There you go! our... ah hem.... dinner.
(noticed the missing meatballs)

After dinner, we had a long long long debate about India-- not in the entrepreneural India's-the-next-market sense, but in the India-men-like-to-pee-on-streets kinda sense! It's fun to see 4 Indian--Dilip (the defender) arguing against Sriram, Akshay & Ramkumar! hehe... and when we discussed about Malaysia, everyone, except Sriram & me (Malaysians), were surprised that Malaysian local officers were out catching people kissing and holding hands! haha! So much for patriotism! We then had a few sips of Baileys plus some action movies--phonebooth & Lord of Wars--to let the sleepiness kick in slowly. Well, it's a good night sleep (4 hours), at least we regenerate enough energy for the Uppsala trip the next day!!

We started our trip around 10.30am from Lappis, heading to the train station at T-centralan to catch a 40 minutes ride to Uppsala. Upsalla was a great city in the past, it is the site of the oldest university in Scandinavia, founded in 1477. Carolus Linnaeus (who invented the Binary system of nomenclature for organisms ) was one of the renowned scholars of Uppsala University.

Ok, enough of history... here is a picture of the beautiful T-centralan station that reminds me sooooooo much of platform 9 & 3/4.

Hehe.. Sipei & me on the train

And after a fun ride (we played some stupid games on the train), Voalla! we arrived at Uppsala!

A park just outside the Uppsala University main office.

Me at the Uppsala Botanical Garden, the building at the back is the Uppsala Castle.

Coincidently, i'm not the only one who likes the view so much!
A beautiful couple was shooting their wedding photo there too.

Next, we went to the Cathedral of Uppsala. It is the largest church building in Scandinavia (118.7 m high). The construction of the church started at 1280s.

There's only a word that can describe the church--breathtaking. I could really hear my own breath in the church, slowly & deeply, as if i'm fighting for every intake of air. I'm not a Catholic or Christian, but still the building spoke to me. It was then when i realized the whole principal of architecture--we build because we want to talk to each and every person that sees the building, we want to tell them a message that words cannot express. We want them to feel and to understand a majestic concept such as religion. The church was magnificent, truly magnificent.

Also, there were a lot of stone tombs for kings and queens from the past. I was walking around, touching each and every tombs and sculpture, and imagined that they were sleeping within. It's amazing how even after their death, they still could impress upon people the unquestionable authority of the royal blood. All the queens had crown motives on their robes & names carved big on the stones--they were the only ones bowed to at their time. They are remembered, until this day, but what about the thousands & thousands of people that lived at their time? What about me? Will I be remembered too?

Memorial for Carolus Linnaeus in the church
This is the man that created the binomial nomenclature system!
(so proud I was there)

The viking & me in a medieval market beside the church.

This is me with the ancient equipment they used to play films. We were at a theatrette to catch the highlights of the culture night--charlie chaplin's original movies accompanied by a real pianist! He was a young guy, and I guess he's one of the few who can do this. His music was so precise that he could make everybody laugh out loud to charlie chaplin's acting. Throughout the whole 1/2 an hour, I really couldn't make out who's the main focus here--is it Charlie Chaplin? or the pianist?? Hmmm... maybe it's both!

Lindy Hop performance at the street.
Beibei, next time we learn Lindy Hop ya! It'll be a lot of fun! You'll love it!

Hehe, this one is funny--it's a Swedish rap!
It sounded cool, but yet very funny, cuz u know... it's in Swedish!

Friends back in Malaysia or Singapore... u guys won't believe this. This was a stage at the roadside, playing super hot music with a bunch of teenagers dancing around. There were

people giving out free hotdogs and water bottles too. Guess what it's for?? Election!! It's a party doing publicity here! Haha, nobody will mind a few public rally if it means free hotdogs n nice songs right?

So this concludes my day in Uppsala. Sriram was talking about going to the beach since the weather is nice today (it's sunday). But I guess i'll leave the beach trip to next week... take Sweden slowly & digest it... hehe...

Baby's day out (1st Sep)

2006-09-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

We saw our first apple tree today! We were on our way out after meeting the rest of the gang at Lappis student hostel, and there the tree was--the branches overloaded with super cute apples! Diana said that plucking things is an offence in Sweden, so... 眼看手不动！

After that, we went to our university, Kungl Tekniska Hogskolan, for registrations to get everything started. It was a friday, and Diana said that by friday the Swedes has begun to tune into the weekend mode, so we had to get our things done fast!! :D

This is a picture of the award-winning library. This library won the award for best architectural design. It was built in an open space that is supposed to be a courtyard within a very old building. So what they did is to put a roof on top of the courtyard to make it indoors. But it was so nicely done that you would feel as if you are in the courtyard while reading. they even planted medium sized trees in the library!

A nice alley way just outside the library.

After settling all the administrative matters, we went to Sodermalm for a day trip. This nice statue was situated in a park in the island. (oh, btw, Sodermalm is one of the islands in Stockholm).

We then went up a hill to the highest point for a view of Stockholm city center... and here it is! The marvellous old city, beautiful among the waters, salted by the wind, glimmering in the sun.
The view was simply breathtaking... hah...

Haha, a cute rubbish bin at the viewing point.

From left: Ramkumar, Ruiwen, me, Dilip and Sriram.
Having fun at Soldermalm!!

Oh ya, this is a silly enough sign along the walkway at the port.
You can guess what it means just by looking at it!!

Soldermalm is a magical island. Just walking on it you'll feel as if you r floating, that's what i experienced. The sun was low, the breeze was cool and trees are swaying. And at the end of the long long walkway by the port, I saw a loving couple kissing each other... can you imagine how touching that was?

I had a great day out, and I think i'm falling in love... with the city.

My First Day In Dreamland

2006-09-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

I was very very touched that Jee Ku and Big Sis came to see my off on 31st Aug. They came all the way from KL, and spent the time and money to stay overnight in Singapore... I still regret that I bid a hasty goodbye, would really want to hug them longer. I wasn't crying when i waved at them, but I started weeping when I turned back and saw that they had left. Only at that moment, the fact that I'll be leaving everything that i love behind for 1 year sank in, and the helplessness was overwhelming. Ah Jie, do take care of yourself... I love you always!

A view of the morning sky from my seat. It was splendid... we were above all clouds, and the flight TG960 was escorting us to dreamland...

Touched down at Stockholm Arlanda Airport, and the evidence is here! The first place we went to was our dorm. Sriram, Ruiwen and I are separated from the rest of the NOC gang (cuz we won't be able to stay in Lappis with them). Our home for 1 year will be at Kungshamra, a perfect place for me (something like KE VII)-- surrounded by pine forrest, with a lake within walking distance and a small market place just 5 minutes walk away. Splendid right? A photo profile of my room: =P

I have a tree just outside my window, and the view is like just out of the photos in a magazine. It is what I've always dreamt my future home will be--cozy & simple--the Alison-style!

A German girl who stayed in my room previously was sooooooo generous to leave me her couch, armchair, table lamp, standing lamp, comforter... nice luck for me! hehe!

And on top of all... I HAVE ATTACHED BATHROOM!!! With this, I guess my room qualified as a mini hotel room! haha :D The bathroom was simple, but just nice for me { I don't know how to clean toilets! :'( } Now I can pee without closing the door!! My room is all that i wanted it to be :D

写给一位失眠的朋友

2006-08-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

大学的黄金时代，短短的四年生涯，简单的宿舍生活。　这群金兰姐妹，让我拥有了许多。我想走得潇洒，我想不让人掉泪。感觉上如果伤感能少一点点的话，好像再见的机会会比较多。如果我们都不哭，而且还说说笑笑的，是不是会觉得明天的晚餐还会见到我??

曾经有位出国的朋友告诉我说：“别哭，你送走了一个我，我却要送走我的每一个朋友”。她说的对，我到现在才理解。对大家来说，可能只不过是姐妹中少了一个人，对我来说，却是少了一群生死与共的好朋友。现在通讯方便，不怕失去联络，只不过往后的日子，没得在大家的叽里呱啦中加上一嘴，生活会少了很多的快乐。

我爱哭的朋友，你要照顾自己哦！我的人格不算很好，有时候衰烂嘴，有时候衰爱出风头，有时候衰讲到做不到。但不管衰什么都好，至少一路有你。在你面前，我原形毕露。　感谢你再看过那丑陋的一面之后，依然默默支持。没为你真正做过什么，真的对不起了。

朋友是一辈子的事，在临走的时候，有一首歌，要给你：

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

朋友，我们在彩虹的另一端见面，好吗？

爱你。

Me and My Darling Aunt

2006-08-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

I got this precious photo from my aunt who visited me for the past 3 days. The photo was taken when i was leaving Penang for Singapore the other day (mid June I guess).

Some precious moments will never fade away with time. This is one of them. See how happy we were!

月亮只有一半

2006-08-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

月亮在对我笑，
无云无星的天空只有我才看得到，
鹅蛋色的光芒，
微弱地照不透那黑暗，
但月亮，逍遥地，在掌航。

只有一半的月亮，
不偏不倚的挂在余辉的中央，
在躲藏的另一半，
偷偷地溜到了另一端，
它一定，已逃到，你手上。

还我一半月亮，
还我一个夜晚，
还我不知所措忐忑不安想念的迷惘，

还我一瞬时光，
还我一系感叹，
还我眼前。。。鹅蛋色的月光。

月光还在荡漾，
似远似近的来自我那痴心的一半月亮，
剩余的不安，
隐隐地燃成了一道光，
阖上眼，让它陪，我的月亮。

你那另一半，
是否也睡得安然，
在那边厢，彩上了，鹅蛋黄。

2006-07-14T12:47:00.000-07:00

2006-07-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

" You are my sunshine."
" You are my moon."
" You are the air I breathe."
" The world is never the same without you."

Ever felt an overload of cheesyness, boredom and a tinge of chill whenever you heard these words? You must have wondered which soap opera was so lack of innovation to use these lines again? Love should be making people poets, not copycats that couldn't think of better descriptions after all the English class they had in their lives.

If you thought so, BEHOLD!!!! These are the most truthful words ever spoken by man! I didn't realize these myself until I heard these lines again and started to think twice about them...

Remember the time you fought with him, locked the door, pulled down your window shades. and tried to block all the daylight out of your room? That was when he's your sunshine.

Remember the time when you heard a soft "Goodnight" over the phone, felt less lonely and was able to sleep with a sweet smile on your face? That was when he's your moon.

Remember the time you just had a nightmare that he's in trouble, was worried sick, cying frantically, tried to reach him through the phone, and felt as if your lungs were giving you up? That was when he's the air you breathe.

Remember the time when you had not been seeing him for a few days, was losing your keys, your sense of direction, your appetite and even your temper? That was when the world was never the same without him.

I have no idea how honest and near to the heart these words are before I started to think why people even made them up? And I just realized that their inventor wasn't trying very hard at that time, he simply spoke them through his heart...

My darling beibei, I don't care if people think this is cheesy or boring or chilly, I just want to let you know that...

" You are my sunshine."
" You are my moon."
" You are the air I breathe."
" The world is not the same without you."

And most of all, I love you.

Missing you every single day,
Your baobao

There's a beautiful sunset outside my window

2006-07-01T04:04:00.000-07:00

There's a beautiful sunset outside my window
I guess orange is the word
The birds' chirping is fainting away
I wonder where they are flying toward

My heart is at peace, I had a fruitful day
The sun is setting and it's time to rest
I have this moment for a brief recap
And I realize that I have done my best

The breeze is leading a joyful dance
With the leaves on a tall tall tree
It then travels all the way
To my window to dance with me

I want to stop the sun from setting
And the breeze from dancing away
But the next thing I know the breeze is gone
And the sky is left with the sun's last ray

So I guess the beautiful sunset outside my window
Will be no more in a short while
But the peace in my heart will stay a bit longer
Till I 'm consent with this rare lull

Half an Hour

2006-05-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

我敢说,考试让人思考。

不是对考题或者学科的思考，而是对人生的思考。我总在考试的时候，特别爱问自己为什么。为什么我现在要经历这么多的辛苦？读书就只是背书吗？我清楚的知道，考试后的两个小时，你再叫我解释oligotrophic lake 和eutrophic lake 有什么差别，我应该记不起来了。你也许会告诉我，我不是唯一一个这么想的人。对，我不是。但如果是这样的话，其他的人到底怎么忍耐呢？或许大家都觉得这没什么问题吧。读他妈的几个月书，再考他妈的几个星期的试，然后就他妈的放几个月假，过后又他妈的回来念书。。。我从小所向往的大学生活，就这样吗？

每一次考试，心里就很挣扎。我一直都认为学习不是填鸭式的，我一直都认为我不是背书的奴隶，我一直都认为自己是个聪明人，会努力吸收精华，而不是狼吞虎咽。可是，看来我也没什么特别，我也没什么不一样。整天还是埋头苦拚，拼得纳闷了，就看看电影，上网聊聊天，心里时时刻刻就只有一个期待--考试快点结束。

这样的学习态度。。。太对不起自己了。

会有人告诉我，干吗那么认真？读书“本来”就是这样，何必转牛角尖？想这么多，还不如拿那些时间来多读几页的书。我无以回答，好想认同，但又觉得没那么简单。。。我总需要为自己找一个理由，给一个交待。于是，我有了一个想法，你且听听它是否说得过去。。。

人在逆境的时候，成长最快。也只有在逆境的时候，才会考验出一个人的能耐。考试本来就是个考验，看看你到底明白了应该明白的东西，还是一整个学期都在浪费时间。清楚这个道理的人，正在打拼；不清楚这个道理的人，正在埋怨。而体悟这个道理的人，因为埋怨，想多了一层，结果从中肯定了自己的方向。我不能说我已经找到了方向，但至少我能说，我不再迷失。

我敢说,考试让人思考。

There comes a time when we have to choose between what is RIGHT and what is EASY.
~ Dumbledore

(ok, I know I can't quote him, he's not a real person to start with! but there are no other words that can express this better!!)

Christmas eve

2005-12-23T23:45:00.000-08:00

圣诞歌的旋律，从隔壁房里传了过来。有些人唱得轻快，有些人唱的悲哀，有些人却又唱得格外优美，仿佛是不属于这世界的音乐一般。今天是圣诞前夕，热带的国度里，没有白雪，却下起了纷纷细雨。

播完一首首圣诞歌之后，胸天平的声音从那白墙的另一端飘进了我的房里。 “流浪流浪。。。” 忘却已久的梦想，再度走进已经放松的心。思绪开始随着那熟悉的歌声，越来越混乱。让人悸动的那两个字久久绕梁不走，我越是忽略，越是忍耐，它却越把我的心卷得更紧。开始有一点慌张，开始坐不定。突然觉得，我该做些什么。突然觉得，生命短暂的让人措手不及。突然觉得，我早已漂向那被乌云遮蔽的天。

在忙碌的一天天里，要忘记我最想要的东西，有多么的容易。要持续的，不再想起它，也不是很难。但那最想要的东西，它不会就此消失。它不像从天而降的雨，不伸手去捞上一两滴，便会渗进土里，销声匿迹。它乘这寂寞的季节，乘一切都沉浸在欢愉里时，把我轻轻唤醒，告诉我，我要往哪里。

The escape from dinosaur island

2005-12-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't want to be human, if it means being selfish and ignorant. Those men looking down at the massive corpse, saying "It knows nothin, it's just an animal" doesn't understand what makes a human human. They don't know the beauty of defending something that is dear by giving up your own life. They see the rampage created by the beast in the seek of Ann as an act of violence and savage. And they try to understand something deep with a shallow mind.

I always felt that we are no more wiser than the creatures in the wild when it comes to love and trust. And now I witnessed this with my own eyes. The movie was just a fiction, but the boundry of humanity was so truly portrayed that given King Kong exists, I believe that the same scenario will most probably take place in real life.

I was so overwhelmed that I started crying since King Kong was lured into the trap set in the island, when he was shot with huge hooks, until the very end of the movie, when two pairs of curious eyes watched me as we descended from the seats to the stairway leading out of the cinema. I kept my head as low as possible. If I wasn't so tired from the efforts of letting out all those emotions as silent tears, I would have told those two workers that I'm not crying because of the tragedized love story between King Kong and Ann. It was something more, or in another sense, something less...

He cuddled my head in his hands as if he's holding a mushy cream puff. He didn't said that I was overeacting, nor did he scorn my ourburst. He just said to me queitly, calmly, like a breeze trying to smooth the sands washed into wrinkles by the waves, "forget about the second half, the story just ended when they took Ann away in two small boats and left King Kong behind... We didn't watch King Kong today, we watched the Escape from Dinosaur Island, ok dear? It's just the Escape from Dinosaur Island..."

Shanghai Baby

2005-05-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Having danced inside the music and soared inside our own euphoria, at one in the morning we returned to our apartment. We didn't wash, just threw off our clothes and lay down on the bed. The air con was on full blast, and even in my dreams I could hear the its buzz, like an insect's cry. My dreams were empty except for that one troubling sound.

Early the next morning, as soon as the first ray of sunlight showed, I opened my eyes and turned to kiss Tian Tian. My hot, hot kiss was imprinted on his cold, cold body, which was glowing white. I shook him hard, called him, kissed him and pulled his hair. Then, I jumped out of bed naked and ran on to the balcony. Through the glass I stared at the bed inside the room, at my lover's body lying there. I stared for a long, long time.

Tears flooded my gace and I bit my fingertips. I cried out: 'You fool!' He didn't react. He was dead, and so was I. "

" 'You devil, you evil spirit, ten years ago you murdered my son, but that wasn't enough. Now you've murdered my grandson too. Your heart is black. I curse you: may you be struck dead by a car the moment you learve your hellish restaurant...'

She began to push the door again, and I hurried towards her and took her by the arm.

'Grandmother,' I called softly. 'I'll take you home. It's about to rain.'

She looked at me suspiciously, and looked at the sky above us covered by thick blanket of clouds, dark red from the city lights.

'Who are you?' she asked in a low voice,

My heart fluttered. A feeling of tenderness and bitterness engulfed me, and for a moment I didn't know how to answer this tired and helpless old woman.

Who am I, indeed? Who am I? "

Shanghai Baby, an extraordinarily heart-touching story, was a journey of self-discovery of a Shanghai girl. I want to remember this book as long as I could, remember every twist and turn of the story, remember how the characters laughed, drifted and cried. It is special to me only becuase it is so straightforward... not trying to hide even the most hideous part of life...

I couldn't say much about Shanghai Baby, except the thumping of my heart whenever I read about Tian Tian's death...

my MP3

2005-05-20T02:45:00.000-07:00

Today my MP3 fell into the toilet bowl. I don't know how it happened, but it just did.

Sad as I am, the agony is not merely because I lost an MP3, but it is also because it marks the death of something that reminds me of my past. It's definitely time for the end of it, and maybe I should just feel happy.

But suddenly, everything that was familiar, every pain and hate, gush out like the breeze that can take you of your feet, and I found myself lost in my own internal, silent sobs.

Remembering the past, I just want to stand at the 8th floor of E block, and shout on top of my lungs that "I'm not guilty!!". I'm not guilty, I repeatedly tell myself. Merely because I'm the sole victim of his promises that have never been able to realize. Back then when our love was just budding, I told him childishly that I was crazily in love with the paddy fields, and would really like to walk among them. He claimed hopefully that his house was just 15 minutes from the Sungai Puyu paddy fields and he would cycle me there once I finished my STPM examinations. I can still remember how happy I was when I thought I've found somebody who took me seriously and would try his best to help me realise my every dream, no matter how trivial it is; and later, how disappointed I was when I proved myself wrong.

Everybody on his side will throw a look at me at the corner of his eyes and defend him by telling me that the only reason he COULDN'T do that is because he's busy building the foundation of a better future for me. He's too into his work, thinking that it will be the only passport for me and him to a life without worries together , and it's too cruel to shoo him off with the reason of lack of attention on me when he's paying it in another form. I'm often polite but sometimes when the pain is too much, I just wish I could tell them "Bullshit!". There is simply no reason you can give for negleting one's feelings, although you might be doing something for that person. If you don't care about my feelings NOW, don't tell me anything about the future!

I'm usually not good at reasoning to others about my own feelings, because I often come lacking for the ability to express them completely. It is even more true in the incidence of breaking up with him and also in the endless happenings that followed. And in this case, I often feel that I'm not understood, just like Vincent Van Gogh until the day he died.

My MP3 is still dripping exactly how an MP3 shouldn't be. I just hope that some of the agony can just drip off me like the water and tomorrow I can wake up finding that I am completely dry and smells fresh again. But I know that this is not the first attempt to lay things down, and it wouldn't be the last. It's just like trying to take off a wrinkling coat, only to find that you have another one under it.

It's still under the one year warranty, but I'm not sure whether the technician will want to repair a crying MP3.

The dreaded Willoughby

2005-05-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

One that have done so much injustice to another, should never be excused, even by his own pitiful disposition.

If you guys have no idea about whatever I'm talking here, google the net for Willoughby, and I think you will get enough explanation.

I have been so affected by the story that I can't do anything than to talk about it on my blog... so much that his misbehaving reminded me of my own, that while I condemn him for his faults, I cannot help but check that I have done as much wrong as he did, that I myself, should deserve the same kind of condemnation. For how ever pitiful his situation may seem, there is always an opportunity, every now and then, for correction. But by believing that no retreat is possible, he submitted to everything beyond his wish, and thus made his faults certain. For whoever that have caused such cruelty and sufferings upon others, the wish for fogiveness should never be fulfilled. Willoughby should never seek forgiveness from Marianne, nor Elinor, because they have went through life and death at his expanse and a touching story of his sympathetic situation could never make up to their endeavours. And I really hated him, the dreadful Willoughby, to hope that by narrating his sad disposition, the sisters will think better of him. That, is simply unforgivable!!! If you really suffered so much for causing the cruelty, how would the feelings of those who have to go through the effect of it be??

Why can't we just reflect on our mistakes and move on? It is too much to ask for forgiveness, when we don't deserve it. It will be better for the sisters to remember Willoughby as the heartless dog, than a pathetic gentleman who cannot act as he wished. It is sometimes better to remain guilty, for in the punishment, we can hope to seek comfort...

2005-04-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

Beware! This is a fake! But our dear Ayam really made an effort to put in the details :D

2005-04-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

9th Mar CLND performance... where am I?

Tell me that you care...

2005-04-13T05:01:00.000-07:00

had the saddest lecture today ~~ conservational biology...

has anyone know, that the passenger pigeon, a bird that flocked in 2 billion in the early 1900 and eclipsed the sky wherever they went, were extinct in just a few decades? why? --because of excessive hunting of the pigeon and collecting of the egg.

has anyone know, that the cream great squirrel in singapore is now down to an "adam and eve" issue? (just 2 left, actually nobody knows whether it's a adam & eve, adam & adam, or eve & eve problem!) why? because the rapid lost of habitate.

has anyone know, that the project tiger, an international collaboration that spent 3 million dollars in the 1980s screwed up from 3000 tigers to a pathetic number of 20? why? because of the sudden change in the political world.

and the leather turtle, and the heath chicken, and the rhinos, and many many more...

it feels so hopeless looking at the pictures of the near extinct, displayed one by one in front of us, knowing that those species don't stand a bright chance to survive because the gene pool is insustainable. it feels so helpless that we haven't done enough to barely change anyting. it is so shocking that there are still so many people who think that it's not a big deal... tell me the truth, do you?

i won't go through the old story that the flora and fauna diversity in the world is a priceless gift for us. or nagging on about how selfish and distructive man have been. you've probably heard about it tons and tons of time. but, please believe me, the only reason that nobody is panic now is because nobody knows enough to be, or should i say, we all choose to turn a deaf ear just to continue to live in our comfort zone... i won't say much, there's nothing left to say. it's all our choice, to continue like this, and in the future we shall bear the consequences together!

the light i see is in the efforts of hundreds around the world, trying to fight against the remain billions, trying to educate and to reinforce , striving to make sure that we have a... not to say better, but "not that bad" future. the light i see, is from knowing that i can make a difference, no matter how small it may seem. the light i see, is dim, but is bright enough to guide me on my way...

i want to be a conservational biologist...

I love daisies!

2005-04-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly... birds fly over the rainbow, why, oh why can't I...

Just finished watching "You've got mail", my usual friday movie. Was really into the movie for a full 2 and a half hours, as if I myself was going through everything Catherine Kelly faced... the movie caught my attention whithin a few minutes, by the simple words that Catherine mentioned in her mail... "Sometimes i just don't hear the sound of New York, i just hear the beating of my heart." People do have that kind of experience, one time or another. Some like it, some just simply don't notice the beauty of merely listening to yourself, humming out your favourite tune... I love it, especially if it's in the afternoon, and sometimes I even wanted it badly. And when it finally comes, I will be overwhelmed with the complete feeling of contentment... staring out into the wide blue sky (btw, i have a nice view of it from my room), or just simply looking at the little plants at my bedside, trying to figure out what are they thinking...

So it is, a simple portray of New York life, where I can find traces of mine in it... it's hard to come across somebody who hasn't watched it (like me, but now not anymore), so if you haven't, please do... you may not share the same thoughts with me after the movie, but I do hope that you can share the happiness that I'm enjoying now... :D

What the heck!!!

2005-04-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

ARGGGHHHH!

This is a very frustrating problem. I'm seriously challenged!! Everytime i wanted to talk, she'll just cut me off in the middle of my sentence. Everything i wanted to say seemed inferior to her own thoughts. Every effort i did was rushed to th drain because her ideas seemed to be better!! What is this??!! I still have to stick to the group for one more semester and there is no way effective mental exchange is going to take place if she keeps imposing her stand onto me!!

Maybe i'm taking it too personally. Maybe i think too much... but i'm really afraid that one day i just couldn't take it anymore and shout out to her: "Can u shut up and listen to me??!!" I won't want to do that, but considering the fury i feel everytime i try to discuss something with her, this tend to happen in the near future. However, after the anger succumb, and i'm back to my old self, things don't seem so bad anymore... she's still the confident and respectable girl that i admired since the first day of lesson. Ah... it's like i'm playing a two face with her (although i'm sure she barely feels anything).

frens ,frens, help me on this... give me just one sentence that can keep my head cool and i'll be forever grateful to u!! muacks!!

2005-04-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

Indie Babie and I

2005-04-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

Sun as it is...

2005-04-01T04:36:00.000-08:00

YIPEEEEEE !!!!

My first ever ever ever blog!! muahahahaha! At least now i'm "on" with the trend. But it's more than being "on" to me. Always wanted one. I think it's like those thing that u've always wanted but never find the time or mood to get it done... Don't ask me what's so special about today, cuz it is not special at all!! Just those good old days (good in the sense of NUS life) when u finish class and come back to ur room, feeling blissfully happy, and u can finally sit down and look around. So here it is, presenting to u ~~ " In Search Of The Sun"!!

Now, let me see... should i start with talking about my day?? Hehe, stupid me, that's what a blog is all about right? (forgive me for acting naive! :P) Anyway, today seems like a dashing fruit cocktail~~ a beautiful mixture of moods: tension from the CA, frustration from biodiversity practical, joy from the compliment i got from my sps mentor, and the helplessness about a unidentified problem... it's been a norm of the everyday life in NUS. It's hard to have a day which u feel completely happy or desperately sad. Guess it is better like this, should appreciate it more. At least the day won't be monotonous, always with surprises, good or bad, just waiting for me around the corner.

This first post is suppose to be a surprise for a friend, hope it adds a new flavour to the day!