树欲静而风不止

Am in Bangkok's new international airport, Suvarnabhumi, now. Sitting in Starbucks, listening to Daniel Lemma's songs, waiting for my next flight to Stockholm 8 hours later.

I'm a lot calmer than when I was here 9 days ago. I lost somebody very important and I never felt so helpless before. I wanted to rush home for the funeral, but yet mummy and uncle didn't want me to. I still remember aunt sent an sms to me saying: "Promise me you won't come back, Ah ma will understand". But at the end, I decided to go back. With the help from Diana, I had the ticket in 2 hours time, and ended up at this very place, waiting for the connecting flight to Penang.

Reality didn't alter itself whether I went back or not, granny left. But at least I had the chance to face my grief properly, to understand it, to deal with it, and hopefully in time, to overcome it. I am especially grateful that I was there for mummy, sis and aunt. Granny is way too important in our lives, and losing her is like losing an anchor in an angry sea. We all had a part of our hearts ripped off, and I'm happy that we kept each other company in our effort to heal the wound. The emptiness granny left behind is slowly filled by the love I still have around me. 患难见真情，it's only through this lost that I saw how much I love my family and my family loves me. Mummy, sis, aunt, my bros, my uncles, they gave me all the strength I need to carry on. Every hug and every "take care of yourself" makes things a lot easier. Some things died, but at the same time some things grew. That's the fact of life.

For me, nothing will be as before. It'll take a very long time before I get used to a life in which I don't get to ask "How's granny?" anymore. Nonetheless, I'm prepared to get on with it, I'm prepared to step onto Stockholm and rock'n roll again. I might be buzzing around like a bee again, and I'll make sure that I do things better, I'll make sure that I try to enjoy what's left of Stockholm for me as much as before.

Khuan was right... one big regret is enough. I don't need another.